Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Breaking News! Robertson Held For Questioning In Falwell Death

Threats Against Chavez, Sharon Make 700 Club Founder 'Person of Interest'

The Garlic has learned that police, from Lynchburg, Virginia, as well as a team of FBI agents, brought in and held 700 Club founder, Reverend Pat Robertson for over six-hours of questioning in the death of fellow televangelist Jerry Falwell yesterday.

The police were careful not to label Robertson a suspect, but merely "a person of interest".

Without offering any details on what led them to Robertson, a police spokesperson said curtly that "we felt, in the early hours of the investigation, that it was prudent to talk with Reverend Robertson."

A source close to the investigation indicated that natural causes is presently listed as the cause of death of the 73-year-old founder of the Moral Majority, and Liberty University.

Falwell was found in his office yesterday morning, lying on the floor, unconscious and without a pulse. After being rushed to the hospital, efforts to revive the man who blamed the Sept. 11th attacks on "abortionists, pagans, feminists, gays and lesbians and the ACLU" failed.

Soon after, police turned their attention to Robertson.

According to our sources, it was Robertson's call to assassinate Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez, as well as the suggestion that "God smote" Israeli leader Ariel Sharon that tipped police to bring in Robertson.

"We couldn't over look those incidents," offered an FBI agent involved in the investigation.

The FBI was brought in, in the event Robertson's curses traveled across state lines.

Robertson has a history of making threats, or outrageous claims.

In 1998, Robertson threatened the city of Orlando, Florida, for celebrating 'Gay Days', saying "... It'll bring about terrorist bombs, it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor."

Recently, in 2005, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted not to teach "Intelligent Design" alongside Evolution, a decision that was upheld by the courts, Robertson warned the town that they could be hit by a natural disaster.

It was the sheer brazen of his curses and threats that caught the eye of the Bush Grindhouse, who last year brought in Robertson, to work his calls of destruction against the terrorists in Iraq, as well as Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden.

And as is the case with the Bush Grindhouse, disaster soon struck.

Warming up and practicing before recording his condemnations and curses, Robertson may have inadvertently caused the death of hundreds of Muslims, when a stampede occurred at The Hajj.

Robertson was well represented at his interrogation, by staff and students of the law school he founded, Regent University, which has placed over 150 of its' graduated in the Bush Government, including Monica Goodling, at the Justice Department.

Goodling is scheduled to testify soon, in the growing U.S. Attorney Firing Scandal, that saw Crony General Alberto Gonzales place the blame of the troubles on his assistant, Deputy Attorney General Paul McNulty.

No charges are expected to be filed against Robertson, in regards to the death of Falwell.

In a related matter, embattled World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz is reported to be interested in speaking with Robertson, to check his availibility on wrecking havoc on his accusers, in the scandal that has Wolfowitz giving an extremely generous pay raise to his girlfriend, Shaha Riza, when moving her over to the State Department shortly after taking the World Bank post.

The White House had no comment on the questioning of Robertson, and refused comment if Robertson would work in unison with the new War Czar Army Lt. Gen. Douglas E. Lute.

Bonus Links

Jerry Falwell - Lest We Forget...

For God's Sake

Hustler Magazine v. Falwell


The 700 Club’s Accu-Wrath Weather Forecast

Rev. Pat Robertson was held for over six-hours yesterday by police in Virgina, and questioned in connection with the death of Jerry Falwell

No comments: