Retro Garlic: Life Imitating The Garlic - U.S. Military Will Offer Path to Citizenship

Oh boy, do we love when this happens.

Numerous times, life and The Garlic have merged (you can look HERE and HERE).

Today, we have another Retro Garlic.

Actually, it should be a Retro-Retro Garlic, as we have riffed on this very topic previously.

Last night, we espied this headline;

U.S. Military Will Offer Path to Citizenship

Stretched thin in Afghanistan and Iraq, the American military will begin recruiting skilled immigrants who are living in this country with temporary visas, offering them the chance to become United States citizens in as little as six months.

We weren't sure if that strange sound we heard, simultaneously, was that of Lou Dobb's head exploding, or the Right Wing Freak Show running for their torches and pitchforks, which will surely be likely to occur.

I mean, what are they going to do with all that pent-up xenophobia and jingoism?

First they take our jobs, our seats in schools and clog up our hospitals, now they want to take over the military?

What will become of the Arizona Minutemen?... The thousands-of-miles wall?



Who wants the American dream, sprinkled with a little picante?

2012 and the Rule of Sarah can't come fast enough, heh?

More from the NYT article;

“The Army will gain in its strength in human capital,” General Freakley said, “and the immigrants will gain their citizenship and get on a ramp to the American dream.”

[Snip]

Pentagon officials expect that the lure of accelerated citizenship will be powerful. Under a statute invoked in 2002 by the Bush administration, immigrants who serve in the military can apply to become citizens on the first day of active service, and they can take the oath in as little as six months.

For foreigners who come to work or study in the United States on temporary visas, the path to citizenship is uncertain and at best agonizingly long, often lasting more than a decade. The military also waives naturalization fees, which are at least $675.

To enlist, temporary immigrants will have to prove that they have lived in the United States for two years and have not been out of the country for longer than 90 days during that time. They will have to pass an English test.

The Retro Part, from April 2006 ...

“They’re coming here for the American experience” ... Rumsfeld Weighs In On Immigration Battle; Won’t Tie It To War With Iran ... Suggests Army Recruiting Woes Could Be Solved With Mandatory Service By Illegal Aliens

In a freewheeling exchange with reporters this afternoon, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld suggested that “a stint in the Army” would solve the immigration problem facing the country.

[Snip]

Asked a follow-up question, Rumsfeld said flatly, “Conscripts,”

“We simply make it a policy, if you want to enter this country, or, if we find out you’ve entered illegally, you serve a stretch in the Army, or go back to whatever village or bungalow you came from.”

[Snip]

“They’re coming here for the American experience”

‘That’s absurd,” Rumsfeld squinted. ““They’ll get three-squares-a-day and it pays a helluva lot better then picking lettuce, or grapes, or whatever it is they do ...”

“I mean,” added the Secretary, “they’re coming here for the American experience ... the American Dream ... What could possibly embody that more than by serving in your country’s armed forces?”

Asked if he, or the Pentagon, would make special accommodations for such illegal immigrants to enter the military, such as bi-lingual instructions, or the need for interpreters, Rumsfeld glared at the reporter.

“Now think about that for a second,” Rumsfeld shot back, dripping with disdain. “In the heat of battle, you, or some other bleeding-heart liberal, is going to expect the U.S. Army to issue dictionaries, with bullets flying overhead, and bombs bursting in front of you, so the commander of the unit can issue orders in two languages? What planet are you from?”

Rumsfeld said he would expect any such conscript to learn English, before they get to boot camp.

“I suspect a great many of them already speak English. The busboy at the restaurant I like to go to knows all the television shows ... the sports scores. Sure, he has an accent, but he speaks English fine.”

We can't say "we wished we made this stuff up."

We did.

Bonus Immigration Riffs

Bush Immigration Plan Gets "Some Influence" ... White House May Employ Lincoln Group In Border, Immigration Clash ...Unlike Iraqi Program, PR Firm Will Plant Anti-American Stories in Mexican Media

Top Ten Cloves: Problems The Illegal Immigrant Boycott Caused The White House Yesterday

Breaking News - Congress Said Will “Clean President’s Clock” On Immigration ... Bush Adds Color-Coded Border Alert Chart To Immigration Plan ...Neocons Upset With Shift In White House Strategy: Speech Offered No “Ties To Sadam ... Imminent Mushroom Clouds”

Ahmadinejad “Sort Of An Islamic Lyndon LaRouche”; Said To Have Made Offer To Mexico ...Ahmadinejad Claims Letter A Hoax, Cites Propaganda, Prelude To U.S. Invasion ...Other World Leaders Received Similar Tomes; Mexico Offered Iran National Guard Deployed on Their Side of Border

No Doubt, Lou Dobbs Will Go Absolut-ely Apocalyptic

If I were in the predictions game, I might go out, on a very short limb, and say Lou Dobbs will soon be calling for a boycott of Absolut Vodka.

The Right Wing Freakshow is all atwitter today, with an ad campaign that conjures up the image of the mythical land of Aztlan, apparently found on, or tipped off to, a blog of a Latin American Editor and Journalist.

In a perfect world, our loved ones wouldn’t die leaving us terribly saddened and alone. But in an “Absolut World,” wonderful things can happen, including getting the U.S.-Mexico border straight once and for all. (This print ad was taken from the current issue of Quién magazine, in Mexico City.)

Hmmm ... Think I'll have to whip up a batch of Vodka-and-Tonics tonight, kick back and watch Lou Dobbs meltdown

Ahh, screw Lou Dobbs ...

Better to fire up some Ruben Blades

Pedro Navaja. Ruben Blades & Seis del Solar




Azucar!, Laura Martinez!

Retro Garlic ... Cómo Se Dices "You're In The Army Now

Well, it appears that life and The Garlic are crossing paths again ...

Noticed this over the weekend;

Immigration bill offers a military path to US dream

And the caveat;

"The Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors Act, or DREAM Act, is part of the stalled package of proposals that many in Congress are seeking to resurrect. The proposal, applicable to an estimated 750,000 undocumented residents of military age, stipulates that those who arrived in the United States before age 16, graduated from high school, and meet other qualifications could immediately enter the path to citizenship in exchange for at least two years' service in the armed forces."

Now, back in April, 2006, The Garlic riffed, placing then Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld waxing on Immigration

Rumsfeld Weighs In On Immigration Battle; Won’t Tie It To War With Iran; Suggests Army Recruiting Woes Could Be Solved With Mandatory Service By Illegal Aliens

Rumsfeld offers, among other things that;

"They’ll get three-squares-a-day and it pays a helluva lot better then picking lettuce, or grapes, or whatever it is they do ...”

“I mean,” added the Secretary, “they’re coming here for the American experience ... the American Dream ... What could possibly embody that more than by serving in your country’s armed forces?”














Bonus Links

DREAM Act

Top Ten Cloves: What Would Be Different If Rumsfeld Was A Dog, But Still Secretary of Defense

The Armageddon Plan

It's About The Legacy, Stupid! ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Well, maybe he'll start calling himself "Banner Guy"

Our Garlic Poll Voters seem to think that "The Commander Guy's" heavy push to get his (not anyone else's) Immigration Bill has to be due to he's got the banner ready and, perhaps, the aircraft carrier booked.

Now, it could be that he's already counting the gate receipts for his library in his head, but more likely it was about the only thing that he could pin on that quickly evaporating legacy.

The Iraq Occupation isn't going to do it for him ... His Injustice Department has virtually collapsed ... The Courts are putting a pin in his "Enemy Combatant" balloon and Congress is set to restore Habeas Corpus... Lastly, there's that Scooter Libby matter hanging - almost literally - out there ..

And today, news of that the judges sitting in on immigration cases went through the same Republican Red Play-Doh mold that Monica Goodling employed at the DOIJ (Department of Injustice).

What's an Imperialistic President to do?

It seems, not much. He's vowed to keep pushing the immigration thing and he's still standing up his Crony General Alberto Gonzales.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 4 - June 10, 2007

President Bush is so anxious to push his Immigration Bill forward because ...

1. Got a deal on banners and has the "Immigration Accomplished" one sitting around, collecting dust Tally 35%

2. Sees 12-million potential visitors to the George W. Bush Library down-the-line Tally 33%

3. Itching to start calling himself "El Comandante Guy" Tally 18%

4. It's the only thing Dick Cheney doesn’t override him on Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Since a new poll shows that a majority of Republicans don't believe in the Theory of Evolution, we can look for ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote


He has the "Immigration Accomplished" banner ready and waiting to be hung