Friday 18 February 2005

Garlic Extra!
Selig Drops Bombshell; Steroids Legal and Mandatory

On the heels of the NHL canceling their season, and as a majority of his league's teams open Spring Training officially, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig rocked the sports world with a second punch, reversing his position in announcing that all major league baseball players must take steroids.

Citing a need to reconcile the integrity of the bevy of new records set during the era of steroids, Selig said that "the cat is out-of-the-bag … And it's a big muscular cat"

"It's a new era", the commissioner offered in a statement. "With the overwhelming use of steroids, the records that have already been surpassed, and with some of baseball's most hallowed records due to fall in 2005, we need to level the playing field, so to speak."

The commissioner went on to say that it wasn't feasible or "in the best interests of the game" to ban hundreds and hundreds of players, and expunge the accomplishments achieved with the use of steroids.

"Jose Canseco's new book not withstanding, as there has been little public outcry, or government intervention, the easist route to take is to give the fans what they want"

Beginning with the 2005 season, steroids will be dispensed by Major League Baseball and, players and teams will be penalized if caught using non-MLB steroids. The new Steroid policy will go into effect throughout baseballs minor league system as well.

It's unclear if steroids will be made available to Major League Baseball's fans - with team logos and player endorsments - on www.mlb.com



Prosecution Plays Tape Showing Blake Confused, Confessing To Fictitious Murder

The prosecution in the trial of actor Robert Blake played a tape of their interrogation of Blake, which displayed a hesitant and confused Blake confessing to a fictitious murder.

Blake told police investigators that he was actually in Holcumb, Kansas on the evening of his wife's murder, with a friend, Dick Hicock. After lighting a cigarette, Blake detailed the execution of the four members of the Clutter family.

Blake was, apparently, reprising his 1967 break-through role of Perry Smith, in the film version of the riveting Truman Capote novel, 'In Cold Blood'.

Prosecutors had previously established, with numerous witnesses, of Blake's presence at the Hollywood restaurant, with his wife, on the night of her murder. The tape was used, prosecutors offered, to back up new evidence of Blake's alleged use of drugs.



Starbucks Abandons Coffee; Goes For Happy Hour Market

Following the announcement yesterday that they will start marketing, in partnership with Jim Beam Brands, a Coffee Liqueur, Starbucks indicated they will now become a full-service tavern, abandoning their profitable line of coffee to a secondary company property, Seattle's Best Coffee, whom they acquired in 2004.

In addition to Starbucks Coffee Liqueur, and a full range of alcoholic beverages, the over 8,000 Starbuck locations will change their decors, adding mahogany bars, stools and a retro, sawdust floor. In locations large enough, the tavern and the coffee shop will sit side-by-side.

Other changes with the new direction have WiFi outlets being replaced with slot machines and Keno screens. A certain percentage of retail locations will also have pool tables. Menu changes are in place, as the cookies and pastries go, replaced by hard-boiled eggs and corned-beef sandwiches.

"We've done extensive research" stated founder Howard Schultz in a statement released. "This is the direction that will maximize our stock and the investment in the Starbucks brand."

Stabucks Cards will be honored at both the new taverns and coffee locations.