Tuesday 15 February 2005

Zeta-Jones Takes Over Harvard

With Tim Robbins due in town today to receive his 2005 Hasty Pudding Club Man-of-the-Year Award, Someone forget to tell actress Catherine Zeta-Jones that her Woman-of-the-Year Award given last week was only supposed to be a one-day deal. Receive the award, take part in the revue, have a lot of fun and be gone.

Sources to The Garlic indicate that Zeta-Jones has set up camp at Harvard University, taking over the office of President Lawrence H. Summers and is running the Ivy League school with an iron fist.

"She flew in a whole staff of people from Hollywood", one sources offered. "They pushed Larry and his staff out and have been taking over everything … Appointments, tenure hearings, hiring of faculity …. It's been a real zoo …"

One of Zeta-Jones first iniatitives, another source offered, was to "raise the profile of Harvard". Zeta-Jones has begun making plans to film a number of T-Mobile commericials inside Harvard Yard. Zeta-Jones is a paid endorser of T-Mobile.

Zeta-Jones is also considering remaking a number of movies - and casting herself in key roles - that have featured Harvard, such as 'Love Story' and 'The Paper Chase'. Also in the works is to give husband, actor Michael Douglas, an honary degree from Harvard at the May commencement ceremonies.

A spokesperson for Zeta-Jones indicated that the actress plans on meeting with Robbins and offering him a position in her administration.

Sources also report that Zeta-Jones's move has set off panic in the Ivy League, as both Yale and Princeton, not to be out-done by Harvard, have set up committees to seek out a high-profile actor or actress to run their universities.


Survey Shows Flat Panel Screens Not Gaining Male Usage

The Consumer Electronics Association released findings of it's study conducted last year, showing a 69% drop in flat screen panels purchases for their computers by men.

The study, funded in part by a consortium of flat screen and PC manufacturers, were hoping for better news to help them fight off a slumping industry.

While 23% of the respondents indicated they preferred flat screens, and that it didn't effect the performance of the computer, the overwhelming majority saw things different.

Of the 69% negative responses;

28% said they just couldn't get excited over flat screen panels
22% asked for a bit more robust-looking screen, something with alittle curve to it
12% stated they just like big, fat screens

There was a plus-minus ratio of 4, for those too shy to answer the questions.


Ex-Beatle McCartney Signs Up With NFL For Half-Time Tour in 2005

Citing having an overwhelming, wonderful feeling performing in the large, AllTel Stadium in Jacksonville for this years' Super Bowl, Paul McCartney, the ex-Beatle, has signed on with the NFL to be the exclusive, featured halftime performer throughout the 2005 NFL season.

McCartney will appear in each NFL stadium, at least once during the season and his performances will be broadcast live to all other NFL stadiums that day hosting a game. The schedule may be set where McCartney will perform in 2 or 3 stadiums in a single day and he will also appear on all Monday, Thursday, and Sunday night special NFL broadcasts.

Talks are on-going between McCartney and his agent with the Canadian Football for a similar arrangement. The CFL plays an opposite schedule from the NFL (June-Nov; NFL plays Sept-Dec) and a majority of CFL games are played on Friday's or Saturdays, offering little overlap with the NFL.

Once the CFL deal is in place, McCartney plans on talking with the Australian Football League, whose season stretches from March-September, with most games played on Friday's.


Jazz Classic Declared Official Time Mark

'Round About Midnight, the Jazz classic, penned by the great pianist Thelonious Monk, has been delcared an official element of timekeeping.

After years of debate and dispute, the U.S. Naval Observatory, the official timekeeper of the United States, and the Royal Observatory in Greenwich, England, keepers of Greenwich Meridian Time, have come to agreement as to the designation for 'Round About Midnight'.

The minutes between 2358-hours and 2402-hours (1158PM and 12:02AM) may be referred to by the term 'Round About Midnight'

Written by the legendary Monk, the song took off in popularity after a Miles Davis peformance of it at the 1955 Newport Jazz Festival and has come to be a classic and standard in many artists' playbook. Since that performance, Jazz and timekeeping loyalists have been lobbying organizations and governments for the declaration.

"We're very excited", offered Horton Livermore of Troupsberg, New York, one of the leading advocates for 'Round About Midnight. "We're having a new clock made up right away".