Tuesday, February 20, 2007

"Unexplained Incident" Shuts Down Mount Vernon After Bush Speech

DHS, Geologists Stumped; Theories Include First President Spinning In Grave Cautiously Viewed

President's Day festivities at Mount Vernon were cut short after an unexplained incident took place after President Bush delivered a holiday speech.

Secret Service agents and officials from the Department of Homeland Security swarmed over the sprawling grounds, quickly ushering the President into his limousine and clearing the area of visitors and tourists.

Late into the evening, floodlights lit up the area, where crews set up command tents and officials could be viewed examining the ground with sophisticated equipment.

White House and DHS officials offered little comment beyond that there was "an unexplained incident" and the Secret Service, according to their policy, would not comment at all.

President Bush used the holiday speech to commemorate the 275 anniversary of President George Washington's birth, marking his first visit to as the Chief Decider to Mount Vernon. In doing so, Bush likened his own struggles with his occupation of Iraq to Washington's battles in the Revolutionary War.

"Today, we're fighting a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life," said Bush.

"And as we work to advance the cause of freedom around the world, we remember that the father of our country believed that the freedoms we secured in our revolution were not meant for Americans alone."

It was shortly after the speech that President Bush, and the First Lady were whisked away, and the grounds were cleared.

Within minutes, the area was roped off and saturated with emergency vehicles, large trucks and equipment. Briefly, military helicopters and jet fighters patrolled the skies above Mount Vernon.

One government geologist, speaking off the record, told The Garlic "we're stumped".

"The only working theory we have been able to come up with," continued the geologist, "is the unexplained phenomena of the first President spinning in his grave."

Government officials cautiously speculate that President George Washington was spinning in his grave following President Bush's speech yesterday at Mount Vernon.

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