Top Ten Cloves: Signs That Your Neighbor May Be Attending CPAC

News Item: The New Conservative Hierarchy

10. Learning Spanish, in case they get to meet Mark Rubio

9. Saw them furiously scribbling notes on the palm of their hands

8. Praying, that on their flight to CPAC, Kevin Smith isn't on same plane

7. They have a "No Teleprompter Zone" sign posted on their lawn

6. Breathlessly hoping, since she sold her company, that Michelle Malkin has time to stalk them

5. Admitted that they have volunteered to let Dick, or Liz, Cheney torture them

4. Making plans to touch Mitt Romney's hair

3. Witnessed them breaking in heavy work boots, so they can stomp on Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews

2. Since RNC meet with Teabaggers, plans on lobbying to have Lewis and Clark Tea Party hang Senator Patty Murray at CPAC

1. Watched them take batting practice, to tune up for whacking the Nancy Pelosi piñata


Bonus CPAC Riffs

Kate Zernike: CPAC Speaker Bashes Obama, in Racial Tones

Eve Conant - This Week in Conservative Media: 'Air America Has Shut Down and Gitmo Is Still Open'

Media Matters - Erickson: Media Matters employees are "the guys who can't get jobs anywhere else"

Media Matters - Armey: "The number 1 biggest problem in America is the physical size of this government"