It Is The Other Place, Jesse ...

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead — your next stop, the Twilight Zone."

Yes, there he is, the recently-departed Jesse Helms, relaxing in his big, plush condo, the extremely comfortable Barker Lounger, favorite beverage in-hand, settling in to watch some television.

Quickly, though, Helms blanches, fear and anger overtaking his body.

There, on the screen, is this;

Elizabeth Dole Tries To Name AIDS Bill After Jesse Helms

Republican Senator Dole introduced an amendment to name an HIV/AIDS relief bill after the recently deceased Jesse Helms. Helms, of course, was a strident foe of HIV/AIDS prevention, research and treatment.

A guttural, anguished cry comes out of Helms.

Then, on the screen, is "Joe My God", and he begins reading off the list;

Jesse Helms, the man who in 1987 described AIDS prevention literature as "so obscene, so revolting, I may throw up."

Jesse Helms, the man who in 1988 vigorously opposed the Kennedy-Hatch AIDS research bill, saying, "There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy."

Jesse Helms, the man who in 1995 said (in opposition to refunding the Ryan White Act) that the government should spend less on people with AIDS because they got sick due to their "deliberate, disgusting, revolting conduct."

Jesse Helms, the man who in 2002 announced that he'd changed his mind about AIDS funding for Africa, but not for American gays, because homosexuality "is the primary cause of the doubling and redoubling of AIDS cases in the United States."

"No!, No!", a weeping Helms shouts back at the screen.

"Stop! Stop!"

Over and over, the same thing plays on this television - for hours and hours.

He can't escape it, the television won't turn off, the volume can't be lowered.

Then his host enters.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Helms?"

Maybe it's Louis Cyphre, coming to claim his soul.

Or, little, six year-old Anthony Fremont, who liked to create his own television (which Helms best learn to say, very quickly, "Real Good Anthony ... That was some real good television", otherwise, run the risk of being wished into the cornfield).

Or, is it the cornfield is where he is?

I prefer to think of it being Sebastian Cabot's "Pip", with Helms clutching at him, crying, pleading ...

"Why ... Why are you doing this to me? ... Why would you bring me here and do this? ...I'm a God-fearing man ... This could only happen in the other place and I'm a God-fearing man ... I'm a believer ..."

As in the episode, Pip retorts "Heaven? What ever gave you the idea that you were in heaven Mr.Helms? This is the other place!"


Bonus Helms' Karma Riffs

So Nice ... The Very Last Moments of Jesse Helms

Wonkette: Elizabeth Dole Wants To Name AIDS Relief Bill After Heroic AIDS Goblin Jesse Helms

John Aravosis: Dead racist bigot Jesse Helms, AIDS hero? I don't think so

Eschaton: Rolling In His Grave

Pam's House Blend: The Empty Wig's flipped: proposes naming AIDS bill after Jesse Helms

Andrew Sullivan: The Jesse Helms PEPFAR Bill

Chris Johnson: Punished for being HIV-Positive?

So Nice ... The Very Last Moments of Jesse Helms

I'd like to think that Jesse Helms was crippled with dementia, perhaps drooling on himself, when, in a sudden moment of crystal-clear lucidity, he saw a headline, or caught some cable news, and it became knowledge to him, that the country is on the verge of electing an African-American president and, BOOM!, his brain explodes, oxygen shuts down, and he's gone.

Actually, Andrew Sullivan was on the same path today, with his "Jesse Helms At An Obama Rally".

And, yesterday, Martin Lewis, over on The Huffington Post, rang in with the winner-of-the-day;

He's a Yankee Doodle Jesse
A Yankee Doodle do or die
A real live nephew of the Ku Klux Klan
Died on the Fourth of July...

(Check out the Lewis post, "Jesse Helms: Yankee Doodle Jesse", he quotes the distinguished racist at length)

Now, it would have been infinitely better, if he lasted until Election Night, so nice it would be, after his life-long record of vile hate, that the last thing Jesse Helms learned, was that Barack Obama is to be the next President of the United States.

Yes, that would be so nice ...


Bonus "Ding Dong, The Racist Senator Is Dead" Riffs

Tbogg: Hell gets a little more crowded

Wonkette: Hell Jesse Helms Finally Dead

Pam Spaulding: Bye, Jesse, you left quite a legacy

Matthew Yglesias: Helms' Vision of Freedom

Ron Beasley: A New Paradigm

Teddy Partridge - Jesse Helms: Bigot, Racist, Homophobe


Bonus Bonus

In an effort to help erase this from your minds, to think of something much more pleasant and pleasing, we turn to Astrud Gilberto

So Nice - Astrud Gilberto