Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Don't Be A McCain ... Enjoy The All Star Game Tonight!

It's history tonight, the last Major League Baseball All Star game in old Yankee Stadium

Yes, we are performing our tri-annual public service, of assisting you in making your baseball viewing much more enjoyable.

You don't have to sit in front of your television set, like Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain sits in front of a computer, scratching your head, waiting for someone to tell you what's going on (hopefully, unlike SB John, you do have the ability to turn the thing on).

All you have to do is to take a few minutes and read The Garlic's classic essay "Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?".

Soon after, you'll be jabbering with the best of them ... You become a veritable Red Barber, or Ring Lardner, tossing out the baseball bon mots like your were born at home plate (and, you'll know from the essay, it's not really a "plate").

Not convinced?

Look at the impact of our "Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?" has had on governments;

I have to back up the President here. We haven’t closed down the office that is hunting for Osama bin Laden.

After reading your very fine baseball piece (okay, we didn’t exactly read it; It got swept up in our Domestic Surveillance Program), we decided to shift Alec Station to Summer Hours, so they could catch more baseball games.

Sorry for any confusion

General Michael V. Hayden
Director, Central Intelligence Agency

I so much liked your story on American Baseball, I am going have copies printed and make it mandatory for passengers of our new Himalayan train service to read it (sorry I can’t let them go out on the Internet and look it up for themselves)

President Hu Jintao, China

Since I’ve been in a letter-writing mode lately, thought I’d drop you a note to say how much I enjoyed the baseball essay and how much I learned from it. Perhaps, someday, we’ll have the game over here (and with the stadium lights powered by our new nuclear energy!)

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran

Go read "Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?" ... You'll be a star at the water cooler tomorrow morning ...

Bonus B-Ball Riffs

Weekend At Rogers'; Or The Dead Guy For The Mitchell Report

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Mitchell Baseball Steroid Investigation Is Unlike CIA Torture Tapes Case

Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA

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