Cheney Blames Media

Iraqis To Launch Massive Protest Against Bush and Cheney, Over Civil War

Want Credit For Battles; Some See As Early Positioning For Future Funding When Government Collapses

As both President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney marked the third anniversary of the conflict in Iraq by making optimistic statements, saying emphatically, that it is terrorists causing the violence, not a civil war, and that progress is being made, the factions conducting the civil war announced plans to launch a massive protest against the pair, demanding that their struggle be recognized as a civil war.

Plans call for all warring factions to put down their arms and march through Baghdad, to the U.S. Military Central Command Center, where a rally will be held to urge other Iraqis to begin referring to the civil war in their daily conversations and in any media interviews they conduct.

Stopping short of calling on the President and Vice President to come to Iraq, leaders of the protest will seek for the Central Command Center to provide a direct video conference with the White House, so the demand for civil war recognition can be made directly.

When The Music Stops, Pick A Message

In his radio address last Saturday, the President made no mention of a civil war in Iraq, but rather that he promised to "finish the mission" and that “America will not abandon Iraq to the terrorists who want to attack us again."

The White House confirmed that President Bush plans on using the same message, as he continues his Bushapalooza Tour and has no plans to make “any reference to a civil war going on in Iraq.”

“It’s not in his vocabulary this month,” said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. “That’s not making any reference to the President’s intellect, just that he won’t be using the words at all.”

Less then 24-hours later, on Sunday, former Iraqi interim prime minister, Ayad Allawi, stated that Iraq was in the middle of a civil war, and that the country was moving toward “the point of no return.” Allawi cautioned both the United States and Europe that Iraq was “falling apart” and that “sectarianism will spread throughout the region, and even Europe and the United States would not be spared all the violence.”

Speaking to the British Broadcasting Corporation, Allawi said that "If this is not civil war, then God knows what civil war is," and added that “We are losing each day as an average 50 to 60 people throughout the country, if not more."

Still, later on Sunday, appearing on the CBS News program, "Face the Nation", Vice President Dick Cheney denied a civil war was going on in Iraq and blamed the media for any confusion, for not reporting all “the progress being made toward democracy.”

Cheney said that the violence as “a desperate tactic by terrorists in the country to stop the move to democracy.”

Both the President and Vice President are temporarily suspended from making any new strategies for dealing with the War in Iraq, after it came out last week, in an Inspector General’s report, that the National Strategy Office has wiped out of inventory.

Civil War Protesters May Be Positioning Side For Future Funding

Sources close to the Pentagon say that the Iraqi Civil War protesters may be seeking to position themselves, in the future, to receive some of the massive amounts of money that is being poured into Iraq, which is estimated to be upwards of $200 million, per day and may reach as high as $2-Trillion.

“This isn’t some banana republic the Bush team invaded” said Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em'. “Throw up a few pre-fab buildings, bring in a USO Show and they’ll eat it up like happy soup. This is one of the oldest civilizations on Earth and they now how to do business.”

A spokesperson for the Civil War Protesters, while not saying that receiving the U.S funds is the end-game, they did give a broad hint that that it may be in the not-so-distant future.

“Your Bush, he wants to make big deal about we have elections,” said the spokesperson. “He paint finger purple and say how all Iraqis come to vote ... but for what – we still have no government. Why should they get all the monies?”

Tom Cruise May Be Part Of Protest

Along with getting the recognition for their Civil War, and, potentially, funding for it, there is a growing rumor that the protesters may include an additional demand from the U.S. Government.

With the increase in television and radio stations since the U.S. invasion and fall of the Sadam Hussein regime, playing domestic, American and British comedy programs, many involved in the Civil War protest have become huge fans of the Comedy Central program, “South Park”.

Sources in Baghdad say that the Civil War protesters may demand that the U.S. Government force Comedy Central, and it’s parent corporation, Viacom, to replay the infamous “Trapped in the Closet” episode , that spoofs Tom Cruise and Scientology.

After the abrupt resignation of Isaac Hayes, who was the voice of the character of Chef, last week, protesting the mocking of Scientology by the program, rumors have surfaced that Cruise was behind the cancellation of a rebroadcast of the famous episode.

Cruise is said to have told Paramount Studios that he would not promote his upcoming film, "Mission: Impossible III," which opens May 5, unless the “Trapped in the Closet” episode was cancelled. Viacom, which also owns Paramount, allegedly ordered Comedy Central not to run the program