News Item: NFL 2014 KICKOFF
10. Seattle Seahawks considering using Mercy Rule this season
9. New 49ers stadium has system crash, lose all scores and stats, need to reboot and start game over
8. Memo leaked, President Obama authorizing use of Drones if Chicago Bears fall behind by more than two touchhdowns this season
7. NFL anounces relocating championship game to Crested Butte, Colorado, for the Anheuser-Busch-sponsored “Whatever, U.S.A. Superbowl"
6. Wes Welker invites fans to his place for "Welker Whatever USA" party
5. Tim Tebow now wants to join Dallas Cowboys Practice Squad
4. NFL annouces giving all players concussions, that way, everyone even and on the same level
3. After hard hit, Ray Rice threatens to beat tacklers wife
2. Johnny Football to trademark name, sue NFL unless they change name to National Manziel League
1. In major surprise, Washington team changes logo to Sticks-and-Stones
Bonus NFL Riffs
Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Next Door Neighbor May Be Conducting Illegal Dogfights
Retro Garlic ... How Much Is That Michael Vick In The Window ...
Top Ten Cloves: Things About Condoleezza Rice Becoming NFL Commissioner
Developing Story! Tancredo: Shut Down Super Bowl; Says Two Black Coaches "Amounts To Segregation"
Flutie Sends "Cease-and-Desist" Letter To Media Over 'Hail Mary' References Regarding Surge