Tuesday, September 05, 2006

News In Brief: Pluto Move Won’t Change Standing With President Against Intergalactic-Fascists

Pluto Planning Run With Independent Solar System

Takes Cues From Lieberman, Who Says May Caucus With New Galaxy

With its’ ego bruised, and, possibly, billions lost to its’ economy, the planet Pluto announced today that it will seek a new status with an independent solar system.

“It is a tough, but needed decision,” said a representative of Pluto in a press release issued this morning.

With the decision to demote Pluto to simply a dwarf planet, we made the move,” the statement continued. “We took heart in the Earth’s Senator Joe Lieberman (I&R-CT) and saw that we had alternatives we could pursue.”

According to the statement, Pluto has secured enough intergalactic signatures to qualify for placement in an independent solar system.

“Pluto needs to stay true to the will of outer space, not just one solar system.”

Pluto also took time to hail President Bush, and his act of putting the other three new planets (Ceres, Charon, and 2003 UB313 or, also to be known as “Xena”) on the Terror Watch List, and said that it stood behind the effort to rid the universe of, as the President addressed them, “these intergalactic-fascists”.

Vice President Dick Cheney said that “it pretty certain” that the three new planets met in Prague with a representative of Al Qaeda.

Cheney also added that “the vote for Ned Lamont that we saw recently will only encourage these solar-system-types.”

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld chided that “we need to look at history” and that “accepting, at face value, these three new planets is akin to approving Hitler’s march into Poland.”

There was no official comment from the Lieberman campaign, however, one aide said that “the Senator is monitoring the developments with Pluto” and “hasn’t ruled out caucusing with the new galaxy.”

Vice President Cheney "pretty certain" new planets met with Al Qaeda and Lamont vote only encourages "these solar-system types"

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