Thursday 5 January 2005

Fox News Agrees With Letterman; O'Reilly Factor Now Only 40% Fair and Balanced

New Spots To Reflect Correct Spin; Corporate Orders Review of Hannity & Colmes; Other Programming

Fox News Network Head Honcho Roger Ailesannounced this morning that "he agrees with David Letterman" and has ordered new promotional spots for the Fox News Network that will brand Bill O'Reilly's "The O'Reilly Factor" as only "40% Fair and Balanced".

"I have been watching the program lately," said Ailes, in a free-wheeling press briefing with reporters. "And I have to say, Letterman was right … At least 60% of what O'Reilly spews out is crap."

Appearing on "The Late Show with David Letterman" this past Tuesday evening, O'Reilly and Letterman exchanged barbs on Cindy Sheehan, the War In Iraq and O'Reilly's War On Christmas.

At one point, Letterman said to his guest;

"I'm not smart enough to debate you point to point on this, but I have the feeling, I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap. [audience laughter] But I don't know that for a fact. [more audience applause]."

Music Director Paul Shafer questioned Letterman with "60 percent?" to which the host replied "60 percent. I'm just spit-balling here."

O'Reilly meekly defended himself, telling Letterman that "Listen, I respect your opinion. You should respect mine … Our analysis is based on the best evidence we can get …"

Air America Radio Host, author, comic and rival to O'Reilly, Al Franken commented that "I think Letterman was being generous … I put O'Reilly's bullshit meter at 80-or-90%, easy …"

In rebranding "The O'Reilly Factor" as only "40% Fair and Balanced", Ailes has ordered a complete review of all other Fox News programming, in particular, citing the programs "Hannity & Colmes", "Big Story with John Gibson" and "Special Report with Brett Hume" as likely seeing adjustments in their "Fair and Balanced" levels.

"I've been so busy building up the network," confessed Ailes, "that I rarely watched any of the programming. Over the holidays, I took the time and I was astounded …Where do these guys come up with this stuff? … I mean, we played hardball politics in my day but this is over-the-top … Blowing up San Francisco? … A War on Christmas? … Building walls along the Mexican border? … It's like Rush Limbaugh on steroids … Well, maybe that's not a good example but I think you know what I mean."

O'Reilly could not be reached for comment, and it is unknown if he is aware that his program is now being rebranded as only "40% Fair and Balanced".

O'Reilly's staff indicated he was out, fighting the war on Little Christmas, as well as researching and preparing material for his new war, to be announced soon, on Valentine's Day.

"He's afraid," said one production manager on background, "that with the popularity of Brokeback Mountain, the liberals and Hollywood Democrats are going to turn Valentine's Day into some kind of gay cowboy holiday."