Monday 6 June 2005

Iraqi's Say Sadam Trial In Two-Months
Bush Admn Holding Out For November Sweeps

A riff is developing between the Bush Administration and the Iraqi Transitional Government, as the Iraqi Special Tribunal announced over the weekend that they are planning for the first court trial of former dictator, Saddam Hussein.

The Bush people want the Iraqi's to try a number of Saddam's aides, as a lead-up to the star defendant in November, in time for the November Sweeps.

"There's a reason the networks' debut new shows in September or October, and not in August", offered White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan.

McClellan stated that the President will likely be in Crawford, Texas for most of August and "he doesn’t want to be inside all day watching 'C-Span'."

"The President likes to be active during his vacation … Outdoors, tending to his property, bicycle riding, hunting and fishing".

Laith Kubba, spokesman for Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari, said there was "no reason to waste time" in trying Saddam.

"We have twelve fully documented cases", said Kubba. "And we will be applying for the death penalty".

The death penalty became available in Iraq's criminal code, drafted under Mr. Hussein - against those responsible for the worst Hussein-era crimes, as well as for use against insurgents who have attempted to destabilized Iraq since his overthrow.

Vice President Cheney also echoed the President's preference for a November Sweeps trial.

"With a trial in two months, we run head-first into pennant races in baseball, and then extending into the playoffs and, potentially the World Series. We'll have trouble getting the networks to preempt these for the Saddam trial."

It is unclear, that once Saddam's trial begins, if it will be broadcast live, or on a tape-delayed basis.

So far, the networks haven't stated if they will cover the trial live, or via tape-delay.

Fox News Network has announced that they will "take the stand the administration takes". NBC indicated it is waiting to hear back from anchor Brian Williams, as to if he wants to "broadcast from Baghdad or will stay in the U.S. to cover some obscure Mid-West dairy farmer". ABC indicated that they will cover the trials but in "no way, shape or form preempt 'Desperate Housewives' for it". CBS stated they haven't decided what they will do yet.

"It wouldn't hurt either", offered McClellan, "if Saddam doesn't go on trial to early 2006. We can tie it in with the 'Soprano's".


O.J. Simpson New Jackson Advisor

Offers His Unique Advise; Missed Opportunity For SUV Chase

As the jury begins deliberations of his pedophile charges, Michael Jackson has a new advisor - O.J. Simpson.

Huge crowds of fans and media camped out at Neverland over the weekend as Simpson, who has taken a break from his own hunt for the murders of his ex-wife and her friend, was seen going in-and-out of Neverland. Simpson stopped briefly to talk with reporters.

"Yeah, I can relate to this kind of trial", Simpson responded to one question.

Simpson conceded that less-and-less leads are coming in on his hunt and that he was the one that reached out to Jackson, to offer the pop star his experience at this stage of his trial.

"Michael has made a few mistakes. He should have, at the very beginning, done the big, black SUV freeway chase. That would have been key in gaining the public behind him. It worked so well for me … I'm surprised his lawyers didn't suggest it".

As rumors swirled and ambulances were seen at Neverland, some saying Jackson was again being hospitalized, Simpson was critical, saying he "just needs to suck it up".

"The pajama thing, that was a major faux paus. Small town like this, he should have been in $4,000- Armani's everyday … He needed to show these people that he was the king of the music business, not the king of weirdsville".

Simpson said there's still time for Jackson to salvage his public persona.

"If he's declared innocent of the charges, he needs to immediately - first words out of his mouth - vow to find the real pedophile. That he's going to dedicate the rest of his life in finding the real pedophile".