News Item: LeBron James, ESPN to Air "The Decision": Obnoxious Summer of Me Reaches Climax
10. Shocking confession - It was he who had affair with Al Gore
9. Retiring ... Plans on running for President in 2012, on Tea Party platform - Will name Palin running-mate
8. Retro Ball-Busting - Just as James gets ready to say where he's going, ESPN cuts off to "Heidi"
7. Shocker! ...Deal worked out between USA and Russia, James traded for all the spys, leads Ruskies to Olympic Gold in 2012, rename country after him, all advertising carries his image, and then retired and put out to stud thousands of Little LeBrons
6. James taking year off ... Will apply all his basketball prowess to cleaning up oil in Gulf
5. Along with saying what team he'll play for, announces he's coming out, plants big smacker on Jim Grey
4. Staying with Cavaliers, moving, not just team, but the entire city to new state, renaming it "LeBronJamesville"
3. Announces not going anywhere until Lindsey Lohan is free
2. Says going to Knicks, contingent upon Dancing Harry coming out of retirement
1. Announces he's a new NBA franchise - Will play against league next season, all by himself