Top Ten Cloves: Problems With Being A Woman Figure Skater In The Winter Olympics

10. Millions of perverts are downloading your picture for the World Wide Web

9. Can't get Olympic Committee and Federations to go to an "American-Idol" style of voting

8. Scooter Libby is claiming he's too busy? Let him try training for and competing in the Olympics

7. Need to wait until we turn professional to get into the really big bucks

6. What the hell was Bryant Gumble talking about - Don't remember seeing any figure skaters at the GOP Convention

5. Have to put up with Dick Button's gushing

4. The Martha Stewart - Donald Trump feud overshadowed us this week

3. Have to play along with NBC's Bob Costas - Yeah, it's because we're wearing ice skates is why we're taller then him

2. Some of the male figure skaters look better in tights

1. Point deductions for falling down; What the hell do they expect, we're on ice, for Christ's sake

Top Ten Cloves: Ways U.S. Winter Olympic Team Can Win More Gold Medals

10. Send Bode Miller home before the next race

9. Seek rule change to "American Idol-style" voting

8. Make teams facing the Men's Hockey squad play without a goalie

7. See if Karl Rove can come up with smear campaign, so vile, competition weeps and crumbles

6. Plant Mohammad cartoons in other countries' dorms

5. Get Bob Woodward to cover the Games - Results won't appear in newspapers for years

4. Get President Bush to wiretap competition, so they can learn their strategies

3. Start being more like the Democratic National Convention

2. Have Vice President Cheney attend the events - wearing his hunting gear

1. Announce that Dubai Ports World of the United Arab Emirates is taking over Olympic Security