News Item: Apple Seeks To Muscle Into Telecom With iPod Phone
10. Apple cooperating with British Government; If you try to take picture of Prince William’s girlfriend, Kate Middleton, with iPhone camera, system shuts down and for next 10-minutes, iPhone berates you as a “scumbag” and “parasite”
9. New iPhone gets better reception if you wear black turtleneck jersey
8. Upgrade your iPhone to the former Senator Rick Santorum model and turn it into a Weapons of Mass Destruction locater
7. Ability to send video reports to iSqueal
6. Partnership with Cingular not only raises the bar, but with optional feature, can turn your iPhone into a fully-stocked mobile bar, complete with wet sink, for libations on-the-go
5. On-Off Feature of Loud Snickering, anytime you walk past someone with a Microsoft Zune
4. Terrorist-Proof; Touch screen automatically sends your fingerprints to FBI for Terror Watch Database inquiry
3. Special Commemorative President Bush model comes pre-loaded with permits that allows you to use your new iPhone to drill for oil in
2. Adults-Only X-Rated Model allows for your new iPhone to, how should we say, “interact” with your Roomba (Not Included; Roomba sold separately)
1. One-Touch dialing to backdate your stock purchases and sales
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From The Garlic Archives
Friday 9 September 2005 - New iPod Phone Requires Downloading Calls
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