Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The Oscars Last Evening

News Item: 'Departed' Arrives; Whitaker, Mirren Are King and Queen

10. I guess they ran short on time ... They were supposed to have a montage of movie people who shaved their heads this year

9. What's up with Quincy Jones? Is he wearing Captain Kangaroo's jacket tonight?

8. Jeez, I'd like to slip behind that white screen and ask the the Pilobolus Dance Theatre to act out fast forwarding this show

7. They should have, just as a gag, had Ralph Nader give Al Gore his Oscar

6. Now that he's finally won an Oscar, I'll bet Scorsese is hoping for just as long a losing streak in the Dead Pool

5. Boy, I'd love to listen to President Bush walking into a Blockbuster and trying to rent the film 'Pan's Labyrinth'

4. What's up with Reese Witherspoon? Did she have Kirk Douglas's chin surgical grafted to her face?

3. Forget about JetBlue, if this show goes any longer, we're going to need an Audience Bill of Rights

2. With Ellen DeGeneres hosting, Melissa Etheridge winning, Bill Donohue must be having fits

1. I heard a lot of winners are going to immediately sell their Oscars on eBay and give the money to Obama














Inventing the Internet, thousands of dollars ... Losing Supreme Court decision over the 2000 Presidency, millions of dollars ... Winning an Oscar - Priceless!