Thursday, July 02, 2009

New Billy Mays Pitch ... Casket-Glo

Sure enough, there were a few things in the can.

"Hi, Billy Mays here ... Tired of going to wakes and funerals and seeing dull, lackluster, caskets? ... Have your loved ones been buried in a drab-looking, listless, less-than-shining box? ...

(Mays, pointing to a dull, drab casket)

Well, worry no more!

(Mays, holding up a bottle of Casket-Glo)

Casket-Glo will give you the peace-of-mind, that you are being laid out in a brilliant, gleaming, beaming-mirror-shined casket ... Mourners will have to wear sunglasses, with the high quality, water-proof shine of Casket-Glo ...

(Mays, walking over to a glowing, buffed-and-shine, casket, angles of light bouncing off it)

You can kick it (Mays kicks the casket) ... You can scratch it (shot of car keys scraping casket) ... You can pour hot coffee on it (cup of coffee being poured over casket) and you can't dull the shine of Casket-Glo.

Casket-Glo-shined caskets have been seen from Google Earth!

Call now, and we will add in the Casket-Glo Buffer, a specially-designed polishing machine, developed by scientists, to bring out the shine-of-your-life, that only Casket-Glo can give you, for your eternal rest.

But wait, there's more!

We will double your order, and send you two bottles of Casket-Glo, and, four-quarts of embalming fluid, absolutely free!

Be the shining star in your church, or synagogue, and order your Casket-Glo today?

Call now, and you get two bottles of Casket-Glo, the special Casket-Glo Buffer ... And, four-quarts of embalming fluid (as our gift) all for only 19.99!

(Mays, holding up bottle of Casket-Glo)

That's $19.99 for the shine of your life

Casket-Glo ... Don't be buried without it!"

Bonus Billy Mays Riffs

Eric Deggans: Marketers, family decide Billy Mays infomercials will continue

Reuters: Infomercials lack starpower after Billy Mays death

RadarOnLine: Coroner: Heart Disease Cause Of Billy Mays' Death

Top Ten Billy Mays Commercials

It's Kaboom-Time for Billy Mays

1 comment:

Jose @ Chromatic Tuner said...

Is this for real?