Weekend At Rogers'; Or The Dead Guy For The Mitchell Report

Poor Roger Clemens.

Fidgeting and fuming much of yesterday, at the Congressional hearing into Steroids in Baseball, or, the government-produced reality show based on The Mitchell Report, Roger Rocket still doesn't get it.

Oh, he's into his Lenny Bruce defense all the way.

Deny it ... They catch you in the act, deny it ... They catch you with a chicken, deny it.

But that's just a sideshow, a little theatrics for the home audience.

They've already voted him off the island.

Roger Rocket is the dead body for The Mitchell Report.

When you document, and pull in the former Senator from Maine to really put a glossy, embossed stamp on it, your dog-and-pony show, you gotta throw a body on it, you gotta have someone take the fall, so all the other dwarfs, finks, phonies and frauds can feel good, feel like something was done, feel clean.

This doesn't infer sympathy for Roger Rocket.

Sure, he's one of the greatest ever, however, during his tenure in Boston, his arrogance went beyond the typical sports stars confidence trash talking ... Roger Rocket was packing, along with that fastball of his, a whole extra bullpen of arrogance.

There's a pox on baseball ... From Bud Selig & Co., to the team owners, managers, coaches, players and ballboys, they sold out the integrity of the game to see a few more homeruns, put a few more fat fannies in the seats, to sell a bit more official merchandise.

And yes, there are scores more names in The Mitchell Report, and likely hundreds more that didn't make the final draft, but Roger Rocket has been - and, at least the American League fans will appreciate this - the designated dead body for it.

Decades from now, Roger Rocket will be winning a chosen few a round of drinks, when the subject of old time baseball comes up, and the crowd struggles with their memories of The Mitchell Report, and wasn't that a big deal and didn't someone get thrown under the bus with it ... The roto-stat-geek in that crowd will be the one to remember the dead body ... The roto-stat-geek will be the one to come up with Rocket Roger's name


Bonus Roger Rocket Riffs

Dana Milbank: Bottom Feeders

NYT: Sports of The Times - Politicians Turn Steroid Hearing Into a Partisan Squabble

Boston Globe: Clemens is hit hard on the Hill; Pitcher leaves self vulnerable as he denies steroid use to skeptical lawmakers

Boston Globe: Steroid hearing play-by-play

NYT: Sports Business - Quite a Show, Offering Something New

And if you don't know anything about baseball ...

Special Essay - Play Ball! ... Batter Up! Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?

Bonds Indicted ... Let's Have A Barrypalooza!

That Barry Bonds was indicted the other day, it carried about as much surprise as Lorelai and Luke finally hooking up on 'The Gilmore Girls'.

You knew it was going to come, you could envision it and it became just a matter of waiting for the moment.

But much like the rest of the country, almost assuredly, the residents of Stars Hollow would be equally disgusted with Bonds, and even more so with Major League Baseball.

Commissioner Bud 'Find Me Some Sand So I Can Stick My Head In It" Selig, and the rest of MLB's brass don't have enough lives to pay for the disgrace of allowing the charade (McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, et all) of steroid-fueled homerun races for the puny gain of selling a few more tickets.

Myself, and hundreds-of-thousands of other fans won't wait for the other slipper (MLB's feebleness in this matter doesn't allow to call it a shoe) of the Mitchell Investigation to drop, nor for MLB to firmly plant the integrity flag, and ignore the official records books to recount with pride;

All-Time Home Runs - Hank Aaron 755
Single Season Home Runs - Roger Maris 61

And we will firmly root for the first steroid-growth-hormone-free players when and if they pass these marks.

So, as Keith Olbermann does introducing Oddball ... Let's play Barrypalooza!


What happens next for Bonds

Top Ten Cloves: How Barry Bonds Celebrated Breaking Hank Aaron's Homerun Record Last Night

Retro Garlic ... Bonds Bashing and Landis Landing ... In The Lab ... Again

Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA

Politics and Sports Collide; Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush

Wheaties Official Breakfast Cereal of MLB; Box To Feature Steroids; Drops Bombshell In Break From Tradition Established in 1934


















Hmmm ... That could have been a good story line ... Lorelai, to get Luke jealous starts dating a major league baseball player, while, unbeknownst to her, Rory, for the Yale Bulldog, is writing a major expose of steroids in baseball, naming her mother's new boyfriend ... That would be a Friday Night Dinner you wouldn't want to miss ...