Yeeow! Ayipioeeay! ...You're Not Doin' Fine, Oklahoma!

If they ever get around to doing that sequel for 'Idiocracy', it could be suggested to the producers to set up a casting call in our 46th state, the Sooner State, Oklahoma.



75 Percent of Oklahoma High School Students Can't Name the First President of the U.S.

Only one in four Oklahoma public high school students can name the first President of the United States, according to a survey released today.

The survey was commissioned by the Oklahoma Council of Public Affairs in observance of Constitution Day on Thursday.

[snip]

"They're questions taken from the actual exam that you have to take to become a U.S. citizen," Dutcher said.

[snip]

About 92 percent of the people who take the citizenship test pass on their first try, according to immigration service data. However, Oklahoma students did not fare as well. Only about 3 percent of the students surveyed would have passed the citizenship test.

Holy empty schoolbags, Batman!

How can this be?

It's almost as if they have intentionally, with great purpose, avoided anything - books, magazines, television, radio, the Internet - that would remotely, incidentally, educate themselves.

I mean, even the Scottish students, in not doing well in exams, winged it;

WIKIPEDIA and other online research sources were yesterday blamed for Scotland's falling exam pass rates.

The Scottish Parent Teacher Council (SPTC) said pupils are turning to websites and internet resources that contain inaccurate or deliberately misleading information before passing it off as their own work.

The group singled out online encyclopedia Wikipedia, which allows entries to be logged or updated by anyone and is not verified by researchers, as the main source of information

I might be tempted to suggest that, "Hey, Oklahoma students, get a glove, get in the game!", but I fear that may cause distress, as they get stumped on what part of the anatomy to put the glove on.

If they did bring 'Idiocracy' to Oklahoma, they would have to import Miss Teen USA from South Carolina, to take lead role, played by Luke Wilson.

On the upside of this, could be a windfall for the state, in having the most Stella, or Darwin, Award winners, for years to come.

You can go here to read more of the Oklahoma Council of Public Affairs Study.

Vaudeville Banana Peel Gag Update!

We needed a softball one like this today ...

Oh, man, you know, it was bound to happen, to someone, at some point, that it was inevitable.

After all, we already have a growing menace of people having auto accidents while texting, you just had to expect some dunderhead coming along and ...

Well ... Enter Alexa Longueira ...

Teen Girl Falls In Open Manhole While Texting

It was an accident waiting to happen -- an open sewer and a 15-year-old girl who was texting while she walked.

Alexa Longueira, a high school sophomore, was walking along Victory Boulevard near Travis Avenue on Staten Island Wednesday evening when she felt the earth move and was plunged into smelly darkness.

She said the manhole she fell in to was left open and unattended with no warning signs or orange cones. She said two workers with the New York City Department of Environmental Protection failed to secure the area as they prepared to flush the sewer.

Somebody send this girl a boxed set of Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin and Harold Lloyd DVDs!

Yeah, I know, she could have been hurt, but, you gotta admit, this is pretty hysterical.

Jonathan Turley weighs in on the legal angle', in his cleverly-titled "OMG SNERT HAS NU TXT TORT! Girl Walks Into Open Sewer Hole While Texting";

The high school sophomore has a case. While she was negligent in texting and walking, the courts have previously ruled that cities must anticipate inattentive people or people with disabilities who may not see an open manhole or ditch. In Fletcher v. City of Aberdeen (1959), the city workers failed to put back barriers around an open hole and the court found that the city had to anticipate such individuals who cannot see such a danger. Likewise, Robinson v. Pioche, Bayerque & Co. (1855), a court found that the inebriation of an individual was not a defense for a city. In a statement that may fit this teenager’s case, the court held that “a drunken man is as much entitled to a safe street as a sober one, and much more in need of it.”

And, yes, the family is practicing shouting out "Show Me The Money".

Longueira said she was helped out of the five-foot deep sewer by an apologetic DEP worker.

She went to the hospital and the city opened an investigation, issuing the following statement:

"We regret that this happened and wish the young woman a speedy recovery."

The Longueira family wants more than get well wishes. They may sue. Alexa's mother, Kim, said: "It could have been an elderly person, a mother pushing a stroller. It could have been anyone."

Alexa lost one of her sneakers in the sewer. She does not want it back.

The girl's mother said Alexa will see more doctors next week to get an MRI and check for damage to her spine.

Might add, go shopping for neck braces.

And, it was Jazz Shaw, over on The Moderate Voice, that picked out the money-shot-punchline for this;

And for bonus points, here’s the kicker. She falls into a five foot deep sewer in an accident traumatic enough that she lost one of her shoes in the process. Yet she managed to keep hold of the phone.

There's new commercial waiting to be screened.

All those Verizon people crammed into the sewer, girl disheveled, only one sneaker on, looking up, through the open manhole to blue skies, shouting "Can you hear me now?", the geeky glasses guy giving her a "thumbs up".

Might not stop there.

Could be Darwin, or Stella Award in the works ...

Hey, Hoyer (and Pelosi) ... Politico ... Suck On This!

How is it, exactly, "speaking volumes", being a "master of cloakroom politics who can use his friendships across the aisle to strike deals" to simply cave-in and give the Bush Grindhouse what it wants, like the FISA Bill they gift wrapped last week?

If you read the Politico (I assumed, as I begin reading, that the artice was written by the one who always drops to his kness, Mike Allen, but, alas, it is not), and the hummer they give to Stench Hoyer today, you'll think the slime ball just saved the world, or something

And Stench Hoyer is thinking pretty high of himself;

In an interview with Politico on Monday, Hoyer called the FISA legislation a “significant victory” for the Democratic Party — one that neutralized an issue Republicans might have been able to use against Democrats in November while still, in his view, protecting the civil liberties of American citizens.

Hoyer said that House Democrats succeeded in dialing back some of the provisions contained in the earlier, Senate-passed version of the FISA legislation. While the Senate bill provided retroactive immunity for telecommunications companies that participated in President Bush’s warrantless surveillance program, Hoyer noted that the House version mandates judicial review of the companies’ actions. Legal experts and congressional opponents argue that such review will ultimately be meaningless.

[Make a note - send dictionary to Stench Hoyer, with Post-It tag on page defining "significant"]

The legendary football coach Paul Brown used to tell his players that, when they got to the end zone, "act like you've been there before".

What would he ever make of Stench Hoyer (and the table-less Nancy Pelosi), taking victory laps - after giving away the store!

Just astounding, that they would go out and brag about their caving in.

I'll repeat here something I wrote the other day;

Considering they beat back the bill the last time they had it, with the recent Supreme Court decision to restore Habaes Corpus to detainees, and, let's throw in the overwhelming majority of American citizens against Illegal Wiretapping, and Immunity for the crony Telecom companies that conducted it, why on earth did they not stand tall, and emphatically reemphasize the LAME in Lame Duck President?

And, if you think I'm being to harsh ...

Digby;

Do read the whole Politico article, which doesn't bother to spend even one paragraph describing why people were opposed to the bill. For that matter it doesn't bother to tell us why the other side was so adamant that it get passed either. The fact that it wasn't some typical congressional agenda item which might naturally be "horse traded" but rather a matter of fundamental constitutional principle, isn't worth mentioning. Even the fact that the whole thing stinks to high heaven of financial corruption gets no mention.

This one is sweeter than most because he managed to capitulate to the congressional minority and the most unpopular president in history on an issue of fundamental constitutional principle which contained little political risk to uphold. A truly bravura performance. In fact, it's worthy of a lifetime achievement award.

Glenn Greenwald;

In other words, Democrats achieved a "significant victory" because -- by giving Republicans everything they demanded -- Republicans are no longer able to criticize Democrats on this issue. What a shrewd strategy: "if we comply with all their demands, then they can't criticize us for anything." That's the Democratic Party's plan for winning, according to Hoyer.

Regarding Pelosi's claim that the Democrats won "significant concessions" -- a claim repeated by Hoyer in the Politico article -- Ponnuru says: "If that's what they want to tell themselves, fine. It sure looks like they got rolled." It looks that way because that's what happened. Who exactly do Pelosi and Hoyer think they're fooling with these self-glorifying claims that they stood down the Republicans and extracted concessions?

The Congressional Leadership of Stench Hoyer, and the table-challenged Nancy Pelosi, is bankrupt, and devoid of principles.

Like so many - and most in, or attached to, the Bush Grindhouse - that has turned their backs on the Constitution, so has this dynamic duo, and they compound their sins by urging their membership to follow their lead.

They continue to be The Blank Check Club.

But wait, while she lives in a world, sans tables, Pelosi found something to rest her gumption on;

Pelosi Welcomes Filibuster of the House FISA Surrender Bill

Did they not send out the PR?

Was last week, the one time, once-per-year, the House is not allowed to debate a bill?

Did some mysterious vapor overcome Hoyer and Pelosi, causing them to forget all the arcane rules that they could have delayed, tabled, or otherwise, killed this bill off?

Since they've been throwing confetti on themselves, what happens if the Senate does manage to beat this bill back?

How can they celebrate the Senate saving our Civil Liberties, when they, themselves, advocated, lobbied and voted against them?

This strategy, of caving into the Bush Grindhouse, and minority Republicans, as some sort of election strategy should fast-track them, zoom them, up to the top of the Darwin Awards (presumably, Pelosi will find a table to place the award on).

And, if the Senate doesn't beat the FISA Bill back this week, they can sit in the same clown bus as Hoyer and Pelosi, who, undoubtedly, will be patting each other on the back, for the great job, for their "significant victories" - as the bus drives over the cliff.


Bonus Links

Comments from Left Field - Hoyer and Pelosi To Their Base: You Should Thank Us for Screwing You

John Amato: Hoyer’s Conservative Capitulation Lifetime Award

Jane Hamsher: FISA: Call Your Wobbly FISA Senator


Bonus, Late-Breaking Update

Dodd And Feingold Will Filibuster Telecom Immunity

Amy Goodman: “One of the Greatest Intrusions, Potentially, on the Rights of Americans Protected Under the 4th Amendment”–Sen. Feingold Blasts Telecom Spy Bill

Think Progress: Reid to co-sponsor effort to strip retroactive immunity from FISA bill. (Updated)

Mike Lillis - Washington Independent: Telecom Donations Tied to FISA Vote; Supporters of the Spying Bill Received Twice the Contributions as Those Against It

But Wait, There's More! ... AP Update

We buried the lead, sort of.

When we posted yesterday - No AP Here! - about the incredibly dumbass, stupid actions of the Associated Press, if we had waited a few hours, we could have included the "new" news;

AP sets up a toll booth for bloggers citing its stories

Where the group had previously invoked the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and sent cease-and-desist orders to at least one blogger, seeking the removal of excerpted content (in some cases as few as 17 words in length), now the press service has attached an "Excerpt for Web Use" charge for passages as short as five words in length.

The pricing scale for excerpting AP content begins at $12.50 for 5-25 words and goes as high as $100 for 251 words and up. Nonprofit organizations and educational institutions enjoy a discounted rate.

Yeah, you got it ... They want to charge bloggers for quoting - and, in many cases, linking back to - AP content.

Sorry, but that's not in my budget. I'm all tapped, for paying to see the sun rise every morning (I wish they offered a discounted subscription rate for that).

This is ridiculous.

Is AP, without telling anybody, making some sort of crazy, screwball, Mack Sennett-like comedy?

Are they sitting in their offices, gouging eyes, pulling ears, slapping noses, ala The Three Stooges.

If they are not, boy, do they need a new PR person.

The great-and-powerful KOS weighed in ("More on the AP idiots"), offering to kick ass, then knock their teeth out for mumbling about it;

Lots of blogs are calling for boycotts of AP content. Not me. I'm going to keep using it. I will copy and paste as many words as I feel necessary to make my points and that I feel are within bounds of copyright law (and remember, I've got a JD and specialized in media law, so I know the rules pretty well). And I will keep doing so if I get an AP takedown notice (which I will make a big public show of ignoring). And then, either the AP -- an organization famous for taking its members work without credit -- will either back down and shut the hell up, or we'll have a judge resolve the easiest question of law in the history of copyright jurisprudence.

The AP doesn't get to negotiate copyright law. But now, perhaps, they'll threaten someone who can afford to fight back, instead of cowardly going after small bloggers.

Jane Hamsher, over on Firedoglake, in her "$12.50 For Five Words? “Bite Me” Indeed, AP", is also scratching her head;

I still can't wrap my head around the idea of charging someone to link to you. We've been witness to some staggeringly stupid acts on the internet, but this one really takes the cake.

Do they understand that if they sue Markos, he'll get all the traffic he can eat? Do they even understand the whole concept of traffic?

Yesterday, we asked for someone to send the AP Dale Carnegie's book "How To Win Friends and Influence People".

That's still needed.

For today, another request - Call the folks at the Darwin Awards, and see if we can streamline it for the Associated Press to zoom to the top of the list (perhaps in the area of Self-selection, which is "Cause of one's own demise").


Bonus Links

John Amato - C&L: The AP walked right into a buzz saw

Libby Spencer: AP update

Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, TMV Columnist - Associated Press: A Brief Look at Fair Use and a Lost Story of The Grateful Dead

Future Stella or Darwin Award Winner?

Typically, I eschew such things, and if I had received this in an email (as is a daily annoyance, from various people, sending every tired Internet joke or "Funny of the Day" or "Send This To 10 People And Your Life Will Change" missive), it probably would have been deleted, with nary a glance.

However, I found this link and was absolutely fascinated by the headline;

Man Shooting Hole Through Wall Kills Wife; Deepwater Man Fatally Shoots Wife While Installing Satellite TV

DEEPWATER, Mo. -- Officials are trying to decide whether to file charges against a Missouri man who fatally shot his wife while trying to install a satellite TV system in the bedroom of their home.

Patsy Long, 34, of Deepwater, died after being shot in the chest with a .22-caliber handgun on Saturday. Her husband, Ronald Long, fired the shot from the inside of their home after several unsuccessful efforts to punch a hole through the exterior wall using other means.

Utterly amazing.

It's horrible enough that we have people with guns that walk onto college campuses, or in to fast food restaurants, now we have to deal with Bob Vila-wannabe-DIYers that are going to be adding guns to their toolboxes?

I'm sure the NRA has prepared a press kit on this on this, to beat back any criticism, arguing that any American citizen has the right to use a gun to make home improvements.

Hell, they probably have booklets, offering advice as to which type and gauge of gun to use for a variety of home improvement projects.

I suppose we'll have to wait to see how this plays out, as to which award Ronald Long ends up with.

If he sues the Satellite TV company, for not warning him about using a gun to install their product, we'll have to nominate him for a Stella Award.

Otherwise, start fast-tracking Mr. Long into the Darwin Award Program.















See. Mr. Long, you could have asked for help