Yeeow! Ayipioeeay! ...You're Not Doin' Fine, Oklahoma!

If they ever get around to doing that sequel for 'Idiocracy', it could be suggested to the producers to set up a casting call in our 46th state, the Sooner State, Oklahoma.



75 Percent of Oklahoma High School Students Can't Name the First President of the U.S.

Only one in four Oklahoma public high school students can name the first President of the United States, according to a survey released today.

The survey was commissioned by the Oklahoma Council of Public Affairs in observance of Constitution Day on Thursday.

[snip]

"They're questions taken from the actual exam that you have to take to become a U.S. citizen," Dutcher said.

[snip]

About 92 percent of the people who take the citizenship test pass on their first try, according to immigration service data. However, Oklahoma students did not fare as well. Only about 3 percent of the students surveyed would have passed the citizenship test.

Holy empty schoolbags, Batman!

How can this be?

It's almost as if they have intentionally, with great purpose, avoided anything - books, magazines, television, radio, the Internet - that would remotely, incidentally, educate themselves.

I mean, even the Scottish students, in not doing well in exams, winged it;

WIKIPEDIA and other online research sources were yesterday blamed for Scotland's falling exam pass rates.

The Scottish Parent Teacher Council (SPTC) said pupils are turning to websites and internet resources that contain inaccurate or deliberately misleading information before passing it off as their own work.

The group singled out online encyclopedia Wikipedia, which allows entries to be logged or updated by anyone and is not verified by researchers, as the main source of information

I might be tempted to suggest that, "Hey, Oklahoma students, get a glove, get in the game!", but I fear that may cause distress, as they get stumped on what part of the anatomy to put the glove on.

If they did bring 'Idiocracy' to Oklahoma, they would have to import Miss Teen USA from South Carolina, to take lead role, played by Luke Wilson.

On the upside of this, could be a windfall for the state, in having the most Stella, or Darwin, Award winners, for years to come.

You can go here to read more of the Oklahoma Council of Public Affairs Study.

Vaudeville Banana Peel Gag Update!

We needed a softball one like this today ...

Oh, man, you know, it was bound to happen, to someone, at some point, that it was inevitable.

After all, we already have a growing menace of people having auto accidents while texting, you just had to expect some dunderhead coming along and ...

Well ... Enter Alexa Longueira ...

Teen Girl Falls In Open Manhole While Texting

It was an accident waiting to happen -- an open sewer and a 15-year-old girl who was texting while she walked.

Alexa Longueira, a high school sophomore, was walking along Victory Boulevard near Travis Avenue on Staten Island Wednesday evening when she felt the earth move and was plunged into smelly darkness.

She said the manhole she fell in to was left open and unattended with no warning signs or orange cones. She said two workers with the New York City Department of Environmental Protection failed to secure the area as they prepared to flush the sewer.

Somebody send this girl a boxed set of Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin and Harold Lloyd DVDs!

Yeah, I know, she could have been hurt, but, you gotta admit, this is pretty hysterical.

Jonathan Turley weighs in on the legal angle', in his cleverly-titled "OMG SNERT HAS NU TXT TORT! Girl Walks Into Open Sewer Hole While Texting";

The high school sophomore has a case. While she was negligent in texting and walking, the courts have previously ruled that cities must anticipate inattentive people or people with disabilities who may not see an open manhole or ditch. In Fletcher v. City of Aberdeen (1959), the city workers failed to put back barriers around an open hole and the court found that the city had to anticipate such individuals who cannot see such a danger. Likewise, Robinson v. Pioche, Bayerque & Co. (1855), a court found that the inebriation of an individual was not a defense for a city. In a statement that may fit this teenager’s case, the court held that “a drunken man is as much entitled to a safe street as a sober one, and much more in need of it.”

And, yes, the family is practicing shouting out "Show Me The Money".

Longueira said she was helped out of the five-foot deep sewer by an apologetic DEP worker.

She went to the hospital and the city opened an investigation, issuing the following statement:

"We regret that this happened and wish the young woman a speedy recovery."

The Longueira family wants more than get well wishes. They may sue. Alexa's mother, Kim, said: "It could have been an elderly person, a mother pushing a stroller. It could have been anyone."

Alexa lost one of her sneakers in the sewer. She does not want it back.

The girl's mother said Alexa will see more doctors next week to get an MRI and check for damage to her spine.

Might add, go shopping for neck braces.

And, it was Jazz Shaw, over on The Moderate Voice, that picked out the money-shot-punchline for this;

And for bonus points, here’s the kicker. She falls into a five foot deep sewer in an accident traumatic enough that she lost one of her shoes in the process. Yet she managed to keep hold of the phone.

There's new commercial waiting to be screened.

All those Verizon people crammed into the sewer, girl disheveled, only one sneaker on, looking up, through the open manhole to blue skies, shouting "Can you hear me now?", the geeky glasses guy giving her a "thumbs up".

Might not stop there.

Could be Darwin, or Stella Award in the works ...

Future Stella or Darwin Award Winner?

Typically, I eschew such things, and if I had received this in an email (as is a daily annoyance, from various people, sending every tired Internet joke or "Funny of the Day" or "Send This To 10 People And Your Life Will Change" missive), it probably would have been deleted, with nary a glance.

However, I found this link and was absolutely fascinated by the headline;

Man Shooting Hole Through Wall Kills Wife; Deepwater Man Fatally Shoots Wife While Installing Satellite TV

DEEPWATER, Mo. -- Officials are trying to decide whether to file charges against a Missouri man who fatally shot his wife while trying to install a satellite TV system in the bedroom of their home.

Patsy Long, 34, of Deepwater, died after being shot in the chest with a .22-caliber handgun on Saturday. Her husband, Ronald Long, fired the shot from the inside of their home after several unsuccessful efforts to punch a hole through the exterior wall using other means.

Utterly amazing.

It's horrible enough that we have people with guns that walk onto college campuses, or in to fast food restaurants, now we have to deal with Bob Vila-wannabe-DIYers that are going to be adding guns to their toolboxes?

I'm sure the NRA has prepared a press kit on this on this, to beat back any criticism, arguing that any American citizen has the right to use a gun to make home improvements.

Hell, they probably have booklets, offering advice as to which type and gauge of gun to use for a variety of home improvement projects.

I suppose we'll have to wait to see how this plays out, as to which award Ronald Long ends up with.

If he sues the Satellite TV company, for not warning him about using a gun to install their product, we'll have to nominate him for a Stella Award.

Otherwise, start fast-tracking Mr. Long into the Darwin Award Program.















See. Mr. Long, you could have asked for help