Our Ignorant Dolts of the Week ... Judie Brown and the American Life League!

While The Wasilla Whiz Kid, in her latest installment of "I Wuz Robbed", drew attention, that certainly put her in the room for IDOTW.

And, with The Bush Grindhouse shutting down, we could also have considered, as part of rousing farewell, The Commander Guy, and his Shadow President, Dick Cheney (or Keyser Soze, as we pointed out the other day).

However, much like larger-then-life idiots, such as Bill O"Reilly, Rick Santorum, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, we can, pretty much grandfather them, to the level of Grand Ayatollah of Dolts.

It's just a given.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid made a strong case for grabbing the IDOTW title, over his strategy on dealing with the seating of Senator Roland Burris.

We all know that Reid used to a boxer, so it was a surprising revelation that he also graduated from Clown College, as well.

But no, our Ignorant Dolts of the Week came charging down the pike, in full, rampaging, Flying Monkey fury, certainly to the pleasing smiles from the Queen of the Flying Monkeys, Michelle "Stalkin" Malkin, who had her own irrational tizzy having to do with donuts.

The American Life League, led by Judie Brown gets the IDOTW crown and septer this week, for their comparison of a Krispy Kreme marketing promotion to abortion.



Yeah, I know, pretty, way-the-fuck, out there, not assuming they had their optic nerves banged around by a spoon.

The American Life League, according to Wikipedia, is "One of the largest pro-life organizations in the United States, according to their website, American Life League, or ALL, opposes all forms of abortion, birth control, embryonic stem cell research, and euthanasia. Its current president is Judie Brown and its headquarters are in Stafford, Virginia.[1]

And their mission;

American Life League, which claims to have 300,000 members, aims to persuade Americans and Catholics about its views on abortion, birth control and euthanasia. ALL is involved with issues pertaining to the sanctity of life, with an emphasis on abortion. American Life League describes itself as "pro-life—without exception, without compromise, without apology." ALL's mission is to end all forms of abortion without any exceptions for the life and health of the woman, rape, incest, fetal abnormality, viability, or IVF. According to its president, "Abortion is never necessary to save a mother's life."[2]

SourceWatch also adds that "ALL also opposes health insurance coverage of contraceptive medications"

So, I hear you cry, what the hell does any of this have to do with Krispy Kreme donuts?

Enter, the election, and forthcoming inauguration of Barack Obama



Krispy Kreme Celebrates the Freedom of Choice on Inauguration Day ...Customers Can Enjoy a Free Treat at Participating Stores Nationwide

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Inc. (NYSE: KKD) is honoring American's sense of pride and freedom of choice on Inauguration Day, by offering a free doughnut of choice to every customer on this historic day, Jan. 20. By doing so, participating Krispy Kreme stores nationwide are making an oath to tasty goodies -- just another reminder of how oh-so-sweet "free" can be.

Sound like a pretty good deal, if you like Krispy Kreme donuts.

Now, here is a American League Press Release, written by Katie Walker;

"The next time you stare down a conveyor belt of slow-moving, hot, sugary glazed donuts at your local Krispy Kreme you just might be supporting President-elect Barack Obama's radical support for abortion on demand – including his sweeping promise to sign the Freedom of Choice Act as soon as he steps in the Oval Office, Jan. 20.

[Snip]

Just an unfortunate choice of words? For the sake of our Wednesday morning doughnut runs, we hope so. The unfortunate reality of a post Roe v. Wade America is that "choice" is synonymous with abortion access and celebration of 'freedom of choice' is a tacit endorsement of abortion rights on demand.

Now be honest, when you read the line from Krispy Kreme, about picking up a free donut - of your own free choice - you immediately stopped thinking about the glazed treat, and went straight to being consumed about abortion, right?

Katie Walker, Judie Brown, and the rest of the Flying Monkeys that make up the American Life League, might have actually had their heads outside of their asses, if, say, Krispy Kreme was running abortion clinics in their back rooms, if they announced that a certain percentage of every donut sold went towards the local abortion clinic, or, if they handed out discount coupons for contraceptives in every dozen donut box.

As you could see, it wasn't, it isn't anything remotely in the same universe of any of those actions.

Now, I'm all in on the First Amendment, people can say anything they want ... No Problemo.

However, when you come out with shit like this ... Jesus, your Freedom of Speech Rights are well intact, but you really dilute your message and come off as First Class Whack Jobs!

Emily Douglas, over on The Reality Check points out;

Best comment on the Miami New Times blog: "if they were abortion donuts, i don't think i'd want one. i assume they'd be taking them out of the oven way too early."

Only thing missing in this picture, to make it complete, is to have William Donohue running around, decrying someone is making a Jesus Christ out of Krispy Kreme donuts.

I mean, it is really an enormous stretch, something that would even challenge Elastic Man, to take a marketing promotion, with a common phrase, and build a abortion protest around it.

Since he does have a sense of humor, and the Obama Team certainly wouldn't mind making some more money off the Inauguration, President Obama should, in the middle of his Inaugural Speech, stop, hold up a glazed Krispy Kreme and announce that he has "exercised his Freedom of Choice today"

So, The Garlic, sans any Krispy Kremes, excersises its' Freedom of Choice today, for Judie Brown, Katie Walker and the American Life League, crowning (and no, that isn't anything do with being pro-life, as in a birth, the baby "crowning") them all Ignorant Dolts of the Week.

Bonus Abortion Donuts Riffs

Steve Benen: MUST BE SOMETHING ABOUT DONUTS....

Wonkette: Free Abortion Donuts On Demand!

Amanda Marcotte: Sanctity of Donuts Day

DougJ: Why does Krispy Kreme hate America?

Friday 11 February 2005

Lock-Out Bogus; NHL Playing Full Schedule In Secret

As league officials and the Players Association conduct their much reported futile negoations, The Garlic has learned from sources that the National Hockey League has been playing their full 2004-2005, as scheduled, in secret, before an audience of family members and team officials but otherwise empty arenas

Sources indicated that play is just as fierce and spirited, with all the trash-talk and swearing clearly audible. Ottawa and Toronto are vying for the lead in the Eastern Confernce, while Dallas and Colorado battle neck-and-neck in the Western Conference.

Remarkable to all is the play of aging superstar, and team owner, Mario LeMieux of the Pittsburg Penguins. Though in the middle of the standings, LeMieux has netted 59 goals in just half a season, putting him on pace to reach the magic 100-mark, or more.

League and team officials have declined comment on the reports.

As one source offered;

'With the exception of a handful of cities, they were playing in front of nobody anyway … The TV audience isn't there … So, they said, what the heck, let's just go out and play"


Krispy Kreme Turning Off The Light; Doughnuts To Be Room Temperature

Racked with deeply decling sales, plummetting stock prices and massive layoffs, Krispy Kreme Doughnuts is turning off its' famous 'Hot' sign. Effective immediately, all doughnuts, in all locations, will be served at room temperature.

A company spokesperson indicated this is just one in a series of cost-cutting moves by the struggling North Carolina-based doughnut maker. From 1937, when the first red 'Hot' sign flicked on, to 1996, when they first began their national expansion, and, in 2001, when Krispy Kreme became the darlings of Wall Street in holding their Initial Public Offering of common stock, all the buzz was about hot doughnuts.

The cost-savings will be substantial, the spokesperson offered, with not having to heat, or refrigerate the light textured, glazed doughnuts.

"I suppose", the spokesperson said, "that if you happen to go the your Krispy Kreme store, just as the doughnuts are coming out of the cooker, you might be able to get some that are still a bit warm. You can take them home and heat them up yourself".


Parker-Bowles Steams Over Missed Title

With the announcement of the pending wedding of Prince Charles to his long-time paramour, Carmela Parker-Bowles, rumors from Buckingham Palace are circulating the Parker-Bowles is furious over her ranking.

At the insistance of the Queen, Mrs. Parker-Bowles will be addressed as Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cornwall and, upon the day Charles becomes King, Mrs. Parker Bowles will be called the Princess Consort.

Unindentified sources have Mrs. Parker-Bowles "raging and livid" at the snub

Reportedly, Mrs. Parker-Bowles ranted " … I've been bopping the Prince of Wales for 30-years and now I'm marrying him - that makes me his Princess … I don't care what that old bag says …" She reportedly added "when Charles becomes King, you can bet your bottom that I'll be sitting there next to him as Queen …"

When apprised of the alledged comments from Mrs. Parker-Bowles, Buckingham Palace offered no comment.