Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Leading To Newt Gingrich Deciding Not To Run For President

News Item: No Newt

10. There was a special, pre-nuptial clause in Gingrich's Contract for America that prevents him for running for President

9. Told an aid, that with Hillary in the Senate, "You can bet-your-ass she'll try to impeach me"

8. Doesn't have any spiffy nicknames for himself, like The Decider/Commander/Shakespeare Guy President Bush

7. Claims he said only if the New York Mets made the playoffs, would he run for President

6. Doesn't feel like dealing with - if she gets the Democratic Nomination - Hillary Clinton and her laugh

5. Doesn't want to chance having Ann Coulter call him a "Fag"

4. Tough campaigning, since he already adopted his own policy of restricting Free Speech

3. Deathly afraid Rush Limbaugh will start calling him a "Phony Politician"

2. His own group, American Solutions, issued a white paper indicating how bad a Gingrich presidency would be for the country

1. Might have to go to dinner at Sylvia's Restaurant in Harlem with Al Sharpton and doesn't want to show-up Bill O'Reilly by not coming out with racist comments

Bonus Newt Riffs

Michael Scherer - Newt: I'm shocked, shocked by Abramoff scandal! - From his lofty perch on the sidelines, the ethically challenged former speaker denounces corruption in politics.

David Sirota: Newt's New Con

Crooks and Liars: Newt Blames The Victims of Katrina