Monday 21 February 2005

Israel To Take New Steps In End To Destroying Palestinian Homes

In a move hailed by Palestine, Israel's Defense Minister Shaul Mofaz announced that Israel will end it's practice of destroying the homes of Palestian millitants and their families.

Long a staple of Israel's fight against Palestine and their terrorists, the practice of blowing up the homes of it's enemies and their families was considered necessary, but criticized by Arabs and many other world leaders.

With the announcement, a new set of actions was listed that will be implemented, as necessary, by Israel. These include;

Spam - Israel will flood internet host sites in Palestine with Spam and, open up the channel for the Nigerian princes to make their appeals to retrieve stolen treasures.

Junk Mail - Copious amounts of junk mail will fill Palestian mailboxes, including enrolling every suspected terrorist, their familes and friends, in the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes

Cable TV - All suspected Palestine homes will be wired for Cable TV, but with only Basic Service, and offering the full programming of Home Shopping Network and, the 700 Club.

'We hope the peace will be lasting" offered Mofaz, "and we don't have to engage in these extremely harsh measures".



NASA Dismisses Life On Mars Despite Strong Evidence

In a statement released Saturday, official at NASA rebuffed the claims of two of it's scientists and denied that there was any indication of life on the planet Mars.

Space.Com reported that two NASA scientists from their Ames Research Center reported that methane levels recorded could be a sign of supporting biological processes.

In a separate statement, the heirs of the estate of Ray Walston quickly dismissed NASA's claims, offering proof that their uncle was indeed, a Martian and also circulated on the web more recent photo's of human-like beings with antennas, little green men and cheese-like substances as a sample of Mars' surface.


Mall of America To Expand, Take Twin Cities by Eminent Domain

Sparking controversy, and the beginning of a legal battle, the Mall of America announced last week an aggressive expansion in which they plan to take over the Twin Cities - St. Paul and Minneapolis - by eminent domain.

Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak and St. Paul Mayor Randy Kelly issued a joint statement opposing the move and vowing to fight it.

Already owning the nearby city of Bloomington, the owners, Triple Five of Minnesota, Inc., indicated the move is necessary to maintain their competitive growth, and title of the country's largest shopping center. Currently, the Mall of America, opened in 1992, spans over 4-million square-feet, with over 500 stores and 11,000 employees.

By taking over the Twin Cities, Mall of America can stretch to over 200-square-miles, have an already-built infrastructure for it's attractions inventory, including over 136,900 acres of parkland and 950 lakes. Key to the expansion is that the Mall of America would be able to maintain the distinction of being the only shopping mall in the United States with a full-service U.S. Post Office.



ADA Survey Shows 4 Out of 5 Dentists Recommend Not Trusting 4 Out of 5 Dentists

A recent American Dental Association survey shows that 4-out-of-5 dentists recommend not trusting 4-out-of-5 dentists.

Among the findings, with over 2,000 dentists surveyed, lack of modern equipment, unclean offices and extremely out-dated magazines were cited. Troubling, the ADA noted that Laughing Gas was still being used, and abused by a wide majority of members.

And, appearing for the first time in the survey, poor taste in music. Members chided each other over there office audio offerings, and, in a fairly large number of surveys, specifc dentists were pointed out as "… not knowing a good song from an absessed tooth with a cavity you could put your fist into …".