Thursday 24 March 2005

Microsoft Signs Pope For Marketing Deal

Steve Ballmer announced today the Microsoft has signed an exclusive marketing deal with Pope John Paul II to endorse Windows 2005. The promotions will be across television, print and internet

This is an unprecedented coup, for both Microsoft and The Vatican.

"We noticed", offered Ballmer, "that since he was released from the hospital, the Pope's appearances have been, almost exclusively, seen from a window … We happen to have a product called Windows, so we reached out. Bill and I took a trip to the Vatican to talk directly with the Pope, and his staff".

What those talks yielded was an undisclosed fee, rumored to be in the millions, for the Pope to endorse Windows 2005. Packaging will include a photo of the Pope, in a Microsoft window, and print ads are being developed using his image, with the tag line "Powered by The Pope".

A special edition of Windows 2005 will be marketed, with special religious bookmarks prepackaged into the browser and an autographed copy by the Pope will be put to auction on eBay, with Microsoft and the Vatican splitting the proceeds.

Ballmer dismissed that the move was related to appeasing the European Union, who recently ruled against Microsoft in their anti-trust suit. Ballmer also stated that the rights to using the Pope are Microsoft's only, and not extended to any of their partners or OEM's.

This was bad news for Intel Corporation, who, upon hearing of the deal, rushed a new campaign out of 'Intel - And The Pope - Inside'.

McGwire Shifts, Softens Stand; Will Speak

Following his embarrassing appearance before the Congressional panel looking into the steroid scandal in Major League Baseball last week, Mark McGwire, who refused to answer questions, indicated he has changed his position and will offer some information.

As he repeated over-and-over during the hearings that "I will not speak about the past", McGwire indicated yesterday during a press conference, he's ready to talk about events that occurred on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Saturdays - whether in the past or present.

"I've come to realize that I was not as forthcoming as I could have been, and that, I, perhaps, misunderstood some of the instructions given to by my council".

When asked if his lawyers "over-coached" him, McGwire responded; "I will not speak about the past". Asked if that meant his lawyers coached him on days other than Tuesday, Wednesday or Saturday, McGwire repeated the phrase.

Another questioner asked McGwire what he would talk about, that did occur on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Saturday.

"Anything … What I had for breakfast … Whatever game we played those days … There's really nothing I won't talk about related to my activities on Tuesday's, Wednesday's or Saturday's"

"Did you take steroids"

"I will not talk about my past", again offered McGwire.

A spokesman for McGwire, who refused to identify himself, indicated that talks are on-going between McGwire and his lawyers to add Monday's as an area he will discuss.


Stadium Deal Falls; Jets New Home To Be In PA.

With democrats lining up against him over the West Side Stadium project, Mayor Michael Bloomberg intimated that the deal was broken and the New York Jets will go with an alternate plan, that will have build and play in Scranton, PA.

The West Side Stadium, a pet project of the Republican mayor, Michael R. Bloomberg, has come under constant criticism, for using city and state funds for private concerns. It was to be an ambitious project, that included spending on a vast amount of infrastructure and expanding the Javits Center.

The Mayor would only comment that he was "disappointed" and hopes that he can build back the momentum for the project.

"I'd like to be remembered for something more than just 'The Gates"

A Jet's team official indicated the team would have no comment at this time and offered that they would retain the name of the New York Jets while based in Scranton.