Thursday 7 April 2005

Papal Shocker!
Pope's Will Read; Leaves Vatican City To Trump
Plans for Casino, Trump Tower Europe HQ

A bombshell rocked the funeral of Pope John Paul II, as his Will was read by the College of Cardinals and it was discovered that the Pope is leaving Vatican City to Donald Trump.

Reached for comment, Trump indicated that plans are in the works for a themed casino and Trump Tower Europe, which will be the headquarters for Trump's European operations.

The Mayor of Rome, Walter Veltroni, was shocked and indicated that the city may challenge the will.

The College of Cardinals declined comment and it is expected that they will wait until their upcoming conclave is completed and have the newly elected Pope decided on the appropriate course of action.

It is unclear, with leaving Vatican City to Trump, it the Catholic Church will have to relocate their operations to another part of Rome, or, perhaps, another country.

The roots of Vatican City being the home of the Papacy goes back to the 8th Century. In 1929, after signing three treaties, Italy recognized the sovereignty of the Vatican and established its' boundaries.

Trump was mum about keeping the Papacy in Vatican City but did state he will retain the Swiss Guards Corps (Corpo della Guardia Svizzera) and likely have them stationed at the entrance of the planned casino. The Swiss Guard are largely ceremonial, with the Pope's security the responsibility of the Italian government.

Vatican City is, roughly, .44-square kilometers, with 3.2-km of border (the city of Rome), and has an additional 13 buildings in Rome. There's also a Summer home for the Pope (Castel Gandolfo).

Trump stated the construction and opening of the casino, and Trump Tower Europe, should come in 2009.


Bush Snubs Carter On Pope's Funeral
Ex-Pres Bumped; Off-The-Cuff Remark Caught On Tape

There's no love lost between President George W. Bush and former President Jimmy Carter. Carter has been a harsh critic of Bush, and his administration and Bush let Carter know who's in charge now.

Bush bumped Carter from the American delegation that flew to Rome to pay its' respects to Pope John Paul II.

After speaking with reporters on the flight to Rome, and taking questions about the alleged riff with President Carter, Bush, was heard, as he walked away, saying to his Chief of Staff Andy Card;

"Besides … I don't want to be walking around, crunching peanut shells on Air Force One …"

As millions lined up in Rome, heated calls and emails flew between the White House and Carter.

After expressing his wish to attend the funeral, Carter, the first president to host Pope John Paul II, back in 1979, was advised that the delegation would be limited and no ex-presidents were included. Carter indicated he understood, only to discover hours later that former Presidents George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton would be attending with American delegation.

Word of the snub spread through Washington, with many questioning the make-up of the American delegation, which also included Card, First Lady Laura Bush, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. There was also Congressional delegations, led by House Speaker Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn.

Frist plans on meeting the with the doctors and medical staff that attended to the Pope in his final days. Frist correctly determined the Pope's condition, after watching hours of videotape, as reported by The Garlic (Monday 4 April 2005; Frist Concurs With Vatican Diagnosis; Viewed Videotape of Papal Apartment For Hours).

Carter, in an interview, stated he was disappointed and suggested to reporters to ask President Bush to show them "his Nobel Peace Prize"