Thursday 12 May 2005

Mineta Broadcasts Klaatu and Gort Landing For Real
Rumors and Misinformation Add to DC Panic, Hysteria Over Stray Plane

Code Red Highest Since 9/11; President Not Notified for Fear of Another Book Reading

It took well into the late night to calm the nerves and fears of Washington D.C. residents, and politicians, after a mid-day, Code Red, evacuation due to an off-course Cessna airplane straying into restricted flight space near the White House.

As the Capital Police, FBI and FAA investigated the incident, it wasn't the Black Hawk helicopter and two F-16 fighter jets that were
scrambled from Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland, firing warning flares at the pilot and student pilot of the Cessna, that caused the panic, but rather the unbridled hysteria of Department of Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta.

Mineta, who got early notice of an 'unidentified aircraft' inside the restricted D.C. airspace, became panic-stricken and seized control of the Emergency Broadcast System. He was breathing rapidly and heavily, and begin shouting;

"Klaatu and Gort are coming back! … Klaatu and Gort are coming back! … Run for your lives … Klaatu and Gort are coming to destroy Earth! …"

Mineta, of course, was referencing the intergalactic characters from the classic 1951 Sci-Fi film, 'The Day The Earth Stood Still', starring Michael Rennie as 'Klaatu' and Lock Martin as the gigantic, menacing robot, Gort. The film portrays an alien landing in Washington D.C., with Klaatu telling the people of Earth that they must live peacefully or be destroyed as a danger to other planets.

Sources in the Transportation Department, and the Pentagon, tell of Mineta running down corridors, screaming and shouting, even confronting Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld, imploring him to "launch the missiles". Other witness say Mineta was wrestling with Rumsfeld, trying to pry away from Rumsfeld, his briefcase.

At the height of the incident, the White House was evacuated, forcing Vice President Cheney to his secret bunker, and First Lady Laura Bush, and Former First Lady Nancy Reagan, in town for a benefit, to a safe location in the White House.

The Capital and the Supreme Court were also emptied, with the judges being led into a nearby underground garage.

President Bush, who was off in Maryland, riding his bicycle, was not notified of the incident until nearly an hour after the 'all-clear, was signaled. No extra security precautions were taken and White House officials defended not notifying Bush

"If we had notified the President", offered White House spokesman, Scott McClellan, "he would have, mostly likely, had the Secret Service rush him to the nearest grade school, so he could do another book reading during a time of crisis …There just wasn't enough time to conduct the logistics and security checks for something like that".

As to Mineta, McClellan indicate that he was taken to the hospital and is resting, comfortably.

Upon arriving back at the White House, and with reporters shouting questions about the days' incidents, including Mineta's apparent meltdown, President Bush waved and shouted back;

"I'm going to watch the movie tonight .. It sounds like a good one …"


Conservatives To Fete DeLay Tonight
Last Chance For Favors In Case House Leader Censured or Expelled

The American Conservative Union will be throwing a bash this evening, honoring the outstanding lack of ethics of House Leader, Representative Tom DeLay (R-TX).

Nearly 1,000 attendees are expected at the $250-per-plate soiree at the Capital Hilton with all proceeds going directly to DeLay.

Though currently under arrest for volition of the Patriot Act (See The Garlic, 10 May 2005 - Dems Seek Arrest, Charges of Senate Leader Frist, and Others), Senate Leader, Bill Frist (R-TN) will deliver a testimonial to DeLay via videotape. Lobbyist Jack Abramoff is expected to give DeLay a gold-plated Cadillac, with diamond bullhorns mounted on the hood.

Numerous House and Senate Republicans are planning to attend, including DeLay's deputy, House Majority Whip Roy Blunt (R-WY), along with the hierarchy of the Republican National Committee.

President Bush and Vice President Cheney were not invited, but will be attending their own, private celebration of their victory in Appeals Court of not having to divulge the names of their Energy Meeting advisors. Reportedly, the energy executive are treating the President and Vice President with a raucous party, under the theme of 'Lighting Up The House'.

Ironically, it is foreign trips arranged and paid for by Abramoff that DeLay took that has lead to a battery of ethics charges against DeLay. Abramoff is facing his own federal grand jury investigation, related to his payoffs and for swindling an Indian tribe seeking to build a casino.

The Senate Indian Affairs Committee is also looking into Abramoff's ethics, and his consulting fees in that matter. Abramoff is accused of defrauding tribal clients of millions of dollars

The American Conservative Union executive director Richard Lessner said the DeLay gala was meant as a "show of support" for the embattled House Leader but later conceded that "it may be on of our last chances to get the bills we need through the door".

"Let's face it", offered Lessner, "once the Ethics Committee meets, who knows what's going to happen … They can slap his wrists or, they can boot him out the door. He [DeLay] ain't getting out of here tonight without some business being done".

Other conservative parties that have business with DeLay who will be attending the dinner include Charlie Black, a Republican consultant with close ties to the White House; former presidential candidate Gary Bauer, head of American Values; Ed Fuelner of the Heritage Foundation; Paul Weyrich of the Free Congress Foundation; Morton Blackwell of the Leadership Institute; and the Rev. Lou Sheldon of the Traditional Values Coalition.

"It's kind of", Lessner chuckled "a Super Bowl of conservatives …You'll see Family Values pouring through the walls tonight"