Wednesday 4 May 2005

Reality Show In The Wings
Vegas, Circuit Clamors For Laura Bush
Press Laments Daily Briefings Now With Headlining First Lady

Since her stunning, and controversial, performance Saturday night, at the White House Press Correspondents Dinner, First Lady Laura Bush has been barraged with offers from Las Vegas promoters, to comedy club owners and television producers.

Inside sources have told The Garlic that since Monday, the First Lady has appeared at the daily press briefings, insisting that Press Secretary Scott McClellan introduce her with the call, "Hereeeees, Laura!".

Yesterday, Mrs. Bush had Michael Buffer, the infamous boxing ring announcer, flown into Washington to offer his trademark delivery of "Let's get ready for Laura".

At the press briefings this week, Mrs. Bush has taken the podium and delivered, anywhere between five-to-ten-minutes of stand-up comedy and, as was the case Saturday night, taking aim at her husband, President Bush, other cabinet members and even press correspondents in the briefing room.

One reporter offered that the First Lady picked on ABC's Sam Donaldson yesterday.

"She looked down at Sam and let loose with a string of, what I consider, nasty comments".

Reportedly, Mrs. Bush said of Donaldson;

"…while your questions may better than Jeff Gannon's, let me tell you honey, with your looks, you can forget about the part of being a male escort"

She then added; "Don't lose hope, maybe ABC will do a show "Desperate Old News Reporters".

Numerous press correspondents have complained, privately, to McClellan, on being forced to stay for the First Lady's performance and not being able to write or give on-air comment regarding it. McClellan is enforcing a 'full lid" on the First Lady's comedy.

Las Vegas promoters and comedy club owners from around the country have been calling the White House, and offering the First Lady contracts, some as high as a half-million dollars, to appear and perform.

Reports have Reality Television kingpin, Mark Burnett, already signing a deal with NBC for a new show next fall, Last First Lady Standing. Burnett, allegedly, has agreements with former First Ladies, Roselyn Carter, Barbara Bush and Senator Hillary Clinton for a series in which the ladies will square off in a stand-up comedy battle.

NBC would neither confirm or deny the story.

McClellan offered no critical comment on the First Lady's routine, saying that "it always a good thing when we have the opportunity for the First Lady to speak out to the American people and press on issues that are important".


Clinton Joins Food Pyramid Protest
Says Won't Deter Child Obesity; Poll Shows Public Prefers The Sphinx

Former President Bill Clinton has joined Egypt in protesting the use MyPyramid, the new food guidance system released by Agriculture Secretary Mike Johanns last month, and going further by saying it will add to the increasing obesity of children.

Last month, as reported by The Garlic (21 April; Egypt Protests New U.S. Use of Pyramids) Nabil Fahmy, the ambassador of the Arab Republic of Egypt to the United States, lodged a protest the use of pyramids was a cultural insult to Egypt, who has pyramids going back to 4,600-years.

"Egypt is very pleased to see the former President joining us in this fight", declared Fahmy when apprised of Clinton's comments.

Clinton, speaking at a New York City Public School, rallied his William J. Clinton Foundation in speaking out against the use of pyramids to convey diet needs and cited that children would the most impressionable.

"I love pyramids", said Clinton. "The rich history and traditions of the Egyptian people that they represent shouldn't be put in front of young children in that light. For a young child to know what cheese they should eat will only know the pyramids for that, and that's a shame".

Clinton, who struggled with this weight during his presidency, and was overweight in his teen years, said it took his recent medical experiences to have him focus on his diet. Clinton looked fit and trim during his appearance at the school.

"Perhaps the Bush Administration should have used an operating room for the symbols of it's new guidelines".

Clinton's appearance was part of an emerging alliance, between the American Heart Association, the food industry, schools, health care providers and the media, to highlight to young children the important health factors in proper eating and how it effects their lives.

The Agriculture Department declined comment on Clinton's remarks, releasing the statement;

"MyPyramid was developed to carry the messages of the dietary guidelines and to make Americans aware of the vital health benefits of simple and modest improvements in nutrition, physical activity and lifestyle behavior".

In a related topic, a new CNN/Gallup poll released yesterday, over 54% of those polled about MyPyramind indicated they prefer the Sphinx over Pyramids and 17% responded that would rather take a boat ride down the Nile River. The poll also showed 84% indicated they would wait until the Bush Administration installed democracy in Egypt before planning a visit there.