News Item: Bush Urges Congress to Back Terror Legislation
10. Piped-in audio loop of Senator George Allen (R-VA) calling terrorists ‘Macaca’s”
9. Under blinding lights, with little sleep, force detainees to choose between Boston Red Sox David “Papi” Ortiz or New York Yankee Derek Jeter for MVP and make then explain why
8. Certain Humiliation Techniques, such as forcing prisoner to be Tucker Carlson’s dance partner on next “Dancing With The Stars”
7. Assignment of detainees to the Interior Department, as Ethics Officers
6. Issuing of Danish Coloring Books
5. Non-Stop Loop of Pauley Shore Film Festival in on television sets in detainee cells
4. Forcing terrorists to write fan letters to Pope Benedict XVI
3. Will trade water boarding for new “Irwin boarding” - To get confessions, will be allowed to throw terrorists in tank of stingrays
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