Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Why Oprah Wasn’t Invited To Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes Wedding

News Item: Tom to O: Cross Me, I Cross You (Off The List)

10. Heard she was backing John Murtha for House Leader and Tom’s a Steny Hoyer-kind-of-guy

9. Is trying to go with a “Silent Wedding” and, chances are, Oprah would be bustin’ out all over the place

8. After pondering inviting her, Cruise felt Oprah, just like Matt Lauer, was “too glib”

7. With all the crap she has, she’d probably be regifting

6. Vatican City a little upset about her scoop interview with Pope Benedict XVI

5. Would likely bring that non-girlfriend-girlfriend Gayle King and that would turn the wedding into a big gay thing

4. Had Ann Coulter handled the invites so who knows what the hell she wrote or who she sent them to

3. Intentionally dissed her, in case wedding goes bad, can make comeback with big PR/public apology, like he did with Brooke Shields

2. Feared she’d make Cruise give everyone in the church a new automobile

1. Not only did Oprah watch that episode of “South Park”, she’s got it on DVD!

Despite the laughs, Cruise worried that if he invited Oprah to his wedding, with all her crap, she'd likely regift