Top Ten Cloves: Ways Jack Abramoff Will Gain Favors While In Prison

News Item: Abramoff Is to Begin Sentence Today

10. Do over the prison’s commissary into Signature’s II

9. Become an Internet sensation, advancing Prisoner Rights as “LonelyJailedLobbyist15”

8. Sell the Instant Message addresses of all the “pretty boys” to Mark Foley

7. Put pressure on the White House, to get his sentence reduced, by threatening to release to media another 400 visits

6. Make money for the prison - Using connections, get Government Contract to produce purple paint for next Iraq election

5. Get former Bush Aide Claude Allen to shoplift some really good stuff that he can use as currency with other prisoners

4. Negotiate a Weekend Pass and offer to take the warden and guards on a golfing trip to Scotland

3. Use his expertise to organize the Indian inmates into building a casino

2. Turn around and bilk the Conservative Christian inmates saying he’ll lobby against the Indians building a casino

1. Starts an "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading Club

Will Jack Abramoff become an Internet sensation, advancing Prisoner Rights as “LonelyJailedLobbyist15”?