Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 17 December 2006

In preparation for the President announcing his new Iraq strategy, old props and sets are getting moved out, cleaned up and repainted. White House Officials are telling The Garlic that the former “Plan For Victory” stage set is getting a makeover and will become “Resolutions For Victory” on January 1st, with the President revealing his New Years’ Resolutions right from the set

Following his dolphin-saving heroics last week, Bao Xishen, the world’s tallest man at 7-foot-9-inches, from Inner Mongolia, will be receiving an invitation from the Democratic Leadership when Congress returns to session next month. The hope is that, once Oversight Hearings start, Xishen can use his 41.7-inch reach to pull the lies out of witnesses appearing before the committees

Unconfirmed reports have Rev. Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition of America, meeting with Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife, Lynne Cheney, to assure them that he has already spoken with God, and that any tsunamis or earthquakes that he has asked God to strike homosexuals with, Mary Cheney, the couples expecting daughter will be spared. Robertson also echoed President Bush’s belief that the Cheney’s lesbian daughter will make a “loving mother”

Publishers of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary announced today that they will immediately edit both their on-line and hard-cover dictionaries to include Time Magazine under the word “Lame”, after the magazine named their 2006 Person of the Year as “You, Yes, You. You Control The Information Age. Welcome To Your World”

Other dictionary publishers indicated they were likely to follow with placing Time Magazine under “Lame” as well

If ESPN has anything to say about it, Senator Barack Obama will be joining the network’s Monday Night Football crew. Obama’s opening of the show last week, a tongue-in-cheek tease of the popular Senator possibly announcing his candidacy for President exploded over the Internet.

ESPN is said to be pursuing Obama “heavy” for ‘Monday Night Football’ and that it should be a “no-brainer” because “we’ll pay him a heck-of-a-lot more then what a president of the country makes”.

ESPN is also believed to be throwing at Obama, a package that includes his own show, a video game starring the Senator and ESPN will work with the NFL to see that Obama’s favorite team, the Chicago Bears, win the Super Bowl this year