Friday, March 09, 2007

Bush To Shift Gears, Use Radio Address To Urge Private Daylight Savings Accounts

No Details Offered; Snow Says "Not A Little Comma In Your Portfolio", While Rove Driving To Build Domestic Legacy

Desperate to get the Iraq Surge and Occupation, Scooter Libby and Vice President Dick Cheney off the front pages, President Bush will use his Radio Address this week to push a new domestic agenda, urging Americans to open and invest in Private Daylight Savings Accounts.

The White House is seizing on the changes this year, to revive the plan the President first attempted in 2005, with Daylight Savings Time coming three-weeks early, due to the Energy Policy Act of 2005.

Many are expecting widespread problems and high tech glitches with the early changeover.

In 2005, when pushing his revamping of Social Security, the White House offered a bonus Daylight Savings Time package to anyone who would open a private Social Security account.

"Well, it's like this," explained White House Spokesperson Tony Snow, "It went over about as well as a lead balloon."

This year, it was determined to drop any and all ties to Social Security and just go with the private Daylight Savings Accounts.

"Yeah," added Snow, "The President believes that once the American people look at this package, they'll want to buy into it it. They'll see it won't be just a little comma in their portfolios, that there is some substance it it."

Snow would not divulge any of the details of the Daylight Savings Account.

He was joined in making the announcement by two, low level, administrative assistants from the Treasury Department. No cabinet members or other senior officials were present during the the briefing, no displays of the Daylight Savings Time packages were offered, no photographs could be taken and the briefing, Snow stated, was "off the record".

When reached while traveling, down South, Assistant to the President, Deputy Chief of Staff and Senior Advisor Karl Rove, Rove claimed authorship of the plan, saying it was "all part of building the legacy."

"We've already laid down the military and foreign policy legacy," explained Rove, "So, now it's time to dig in on the domestic side."

"Years from now, " Rove continued, "people will be kicking themselves, that they didn't buy into the Daylight Savings Account program. "But it has a logic of force and nature and reality that will cause people to examine it, adjust it, test it, resist it -- but ultimately embrace it ... It's about investing in the vision, investing in America ... Investing in the Bush Domestic Doctrine."

Last year, after it was leaked that the White House was slow in pushing their clocks forward, the President lashed out at the media, exhorting them to cover "the more positive stories" of Daylight Savings Time.

Snow said that there will be no repeat of what happened last year.

"We got it covered, said Snow. "All the clocks will be changed and pushed forward on time. I don't want to be banging my head on the podium on Monday, having to answer those kind of questions."


Spring Forward, Fall to Pieces? Will early daylight–saving time destroy your computer?

The History of Daylight Saving Time

Daylight Saving Time Facts (U.S.)

Bush Domestic Doctrine?


Anonymous said...

Join the Coalition for Refusing to Push Forward. Ok, usually that's the venue of the conservative wing of American politics, but with this push forward, Bush has left no ground to us but to move back. So all in protest move your clocks 2 hours back! We can win this struggle!

The Garlic said...


If we do that, Bush may not know whether to piss, or wind his watch ... Wait, I think he's already in that state ...

Thanks for reading an commenting