Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Breaking News! Bush Grindhouse Backs Up Letter With Wiretap Poll Showing Overwhelming Support For Gonzales

Massive Overnight Data Mining Rings In Big Number For Embattled Crony General; "They Want Him To Lie More"

The Bush Grindhouse, followed up the letter sent yesterday by Intelligence Czar Mike McConnell, with another set of documents, culled from their Terror Surveillance Program, and "other intelligence activities", showing overwhelming support for the embattled Crony General Alberto Gonzales.

"They love him," beamed Grindhouse Press Secretary Tony Snow. "They want him to lie more."

According to Snow, the Grindhouse conducted -legally - a series or wiretaps, as well as a massive Data Mining program, keying in on Gonzales, and his testimony given last week.

The Bush Grindhouse cites well over 78% approval for Gonzales via the Wiretapping, and slightly less support, only 68%, coming from the Data Mining exercise.

"The people emailing pulled the numbers down a bit," confessed Snow, "but overall, we extremely pleased that, along with the President, an overwhelming and significant number of Americans also have confidence in the Crony General."

The documents supplied today to the Senate Judiciary Committee were only an overview of the results of the Wiretapping and Data Mining Poll.

"Since most of this is classified, we can't release the raw results," said Snow.

Gonzales, who had his testimony contradicted by FBI Director Robert Mueller, has until Friday to correct his answers, or face a possible perjury charge, and, potentially, impeachment.

"We looked for those things as well," added Snow, "and it was strong, very strong, against taking any action on the Crony General ... They want him to stay right where he is, and doing the things he does best ..."

Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) said he was enraged with the report given him today, and indicated that he may, if his anger stays with him, fire off another letter to the Bush Grindhouse.

"This is unacceptable, " fumed Specter. "A blind poll, that we can't see who was polled, and what the results were ... I'm beside myself ... This administration is very close ... Very close to getting another letter from me!"

Specter's colleague, Judiciary Committee Chairman, Senator Pat Leahy (D-VT), was also displeased, indicating he may give the Bush Grindhouse the month of August to redo the Wiretapping and Data Mining Poll and resubmit it to the committee.

"This is ridiculous," barked Leahy. "We'd like to submit our own questions to this Wiretapping and Data Mining audience, to get our own results. I agree with my colleague, Mr. Specter, that another stern protest letter is probably warranted here."

When apprised of this latest development, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi expressed her disagreement with Specter and Leahy.

"We have to stop the war and have the business of the country to attend to," huffed Pelosi. "I have no interest in letter writing ... It's off the table."

Bonus Links

Anonymous Liberal: The Gang of Eight Smokescreen

TalkLeft - NewSpeak: Bush's FISA Proposal

The Crony General: "Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time ..."

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