Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Breaking News! Thompson Responds To FEC Charge, Claiming He's Now Moving Into "Testing Executive Privilege" Phase

Also Invokes "The Cheney Principle", Saying "He's Not Part of The Campaign"

"They can't lay a debutante's glove on me," growled Fred Thompson, former Senator and actor.

Reporters caught up to Thompson this evening, just as he had parked his red pick-up truck, and was about to climb into his sweet silver luxury sedan, asking for a reaction to the Federal Election Commission complaint filed against him today, by blogger and activist Lane Hudson.

"They got spit", bellowed Thompson, as the gaggle of reporters spoke over each other, while the former Nixon snitch buffed his cowboy boots with a $100 bill.

Lane's complaint, filed yesterday, alleges that Thompson, and his Fred Thompson for President Exploratory Committee, have violated, at minimum, 11 FEC statutes dealing with "testing the waters" provision of FEC law.

The charges include violations of fund raising, advertising, and the securing of property for campaign headquarters.

"They might be swinging their lassos, but they won't be roping this bull", snorted Thompson.

Thompson indicated he was confident of getting the Republican nomination and even more confident of being elected President, so "why don't just everybody stop pissing in the chicken coop".

Thompson related that "his people" will be filing paperwork with the FEC in the morning, claiming that "FTPEC" is will now be "testing Executive Privilege", which will "moot" any actions the FEC may be able to take against Thompson.

"They just can't touch it ... It's off limits ... They won't be allowed to issue any subpoenas."

Thompson said that in addition to the claim of "testing Executive Privilege", he will also cite the "Cheney Principle".

"I'm not really part of the campaign," said the possible candidate. "Well, the job of exploratory candidate is an interesting one, because you have a foot in both the campaign and not in the campaign.

Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride confirmed the Thompson position.

"We are confident that Thompson is conducting his campaign properly under the law," McBride said.

MSNBC 'Hardball' host Chris Matthews says "He'll beat this rap."

"He's a big, beefy guy", chortled Matthews. "He's a big, beefy, mature guy, with sex appeal... Those types don't get tripped up in these little dust-ups ... He's Big Daddy ...Ha! ... He walks into the court, or the hearing room, or whatever and the judge, the commissioner ... Whoever ...They smell the English Leather on this guy ... The Aqua Velva ... That mature man's shaving cream ... With a little bit of cigar smoke mixed in ... Ha! ... You know the type ... He walks out of there without a scratch ...

Matthews was filling in for Thompson advisor, Mary Matalin, who the campaign hasn't quite solved how to utilize Matalin's experience, but without scaring the bejeezes out of everybody.

More as this story develops

"They might be swinging their lassos, but they won't be roping this bull", snorted Thompson

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