Top Ten Cloves: Things That Might Have Happened To Ted Williams' Head

News Item: New book alleges Alcor mistreatment of Ted Williams' severed head

10. Had it riding atop the Roomba, but kept falling off

9. Just started bashing things, in anger, after hearing Chicago lost out on 2016 Olympics

8. Goofing off with tuna can stuck to head - Made like Starkist commercial, but used punchline, saying "Sorry, Teddy"

7. Cinco de Mayo, were stuck for a pinata

6. Got kicked, and stepped on, practicing routine for new show - "Dancing with the Stars' Heads"

5. Needed something to bang the spigot into the keg

4. Rented out to local minor league baseball team for fungo practice

3. "There's no Cryonics in baseball ... There's no Cryonics in baseball! ..."

2. Pitted Williams' Head against Timex Watch ... Timex Watch still ticking

1. Let's just say that Ted Williams wasn't the last .400 hitter ... You know what I mean ...