Wait Until The Ministry of Silly Walks Hears About This!

Minister: (rising) Mr Pudey, (he walks about behind the desk in a very silly fashion) the very real problem is one of money. I'm afraid that the Ministry of Silly Walks is no longer getting the kind of support it needs. You see there's Defense, Social Security, Health, Housing, Education, Silly Walks ... they're all supposed to get the same. But last year, the Government spent less on the Ministry of Silly Walks than it did on National Defence. Now we get £348,000,000 a year, which is supposed to be spent on all our available products. (he sits down) Coffee?

Mr Pudey: Yes please.

Minister: (pressing intercorn) Now Mrs Two-Lumps, would you bring us in two coffees please?

Intercom Voice: Yes, Mr Teabag.

Minister: ... Out of her mind. Now the Japanese have a man who can bend his leg back over his head and back again with every single step. While the Israelis... ah, here's the coffee.

Monty Python's The Ministry of Silly Walks

Now add taking a taxi to the Minister's woes.

He can lump it in with all the other troubles the Icelandic volcano ash is causing.



Being that he is already "disheartened", that fans in England think it "the 15th greatest comedy sketch of all time", John Cleese, likely, is not going to be happy with all the references to the Monty Python "Minister of Silly Walks" sketch.

Every Mode but Silly Walks to Get Around

LONDON — For the man who worked at the Ministry of Silly Walks, travel chaos across the Continent was only a modest hurdle.

John Cleese, who starred in the high-stepping sketch for Monty Python, was stranded in Oslo on Friday after appearing on a television talk show. With flights grounded by the volcanic ash over northern Europe, Mr. Cleese found another way home to London: He caught a cab.

With no planes flying and no way to get back by train or boat, Mr. Cleese’s agent in Norway, Kjetil Kristoffersen, called a friend who drives a taxi, and he agreed to take Mr. Cleese to Brussels.

[snip]

Mr. Cleese’s journey, with a fare of about $5,140, may have been costly, but it was not necessarily the most cumbersome trip travelers endured. With flights canceled and trains running out of space, many people resorted to their own ingenuity.

You can already hear the bevy of keyboards clicking, wannabe writers penning a "Made-for-Television' movie of this cab ride, or, what surely will be, scores of other off-beat tales that will settle in with the volcanic ash.

Especially, since scienctests are saying that "Iceland volcano eruption could last months", as well as other, bigger problems;

However, as Science Fair noted previously, the Eyjafjallajokull volcano isn't necessarily the main problem. It's Katla, Iceland's noisier neighbor, that's the concern. If lava flowing from Eyjafjallajokull melts the glaciers that hold down the top of Katla, then Katla could blow its top, pumping gigantic amounts of ash into the atmosphere.

Cleese was lucky to have a connection, others are not;

Demand for train tickets between Paris and London caused the Eurostar Web site to crash several times Friday morning, and long lines formed at ticket counters at Victoria bus station in London, where buses leave for Paris, Amsterdam and Munich via the tunnel under the English Channel.

[snip]

Some people resorted to a digital version of the old-fashioned hitchhiker’s thumb. Liftshare.com, a Web site based in Britain that matches drivers with passengers, experienced “a very marked increase” in international destinations served since British airports shut down, featuring destinations as far afield as Berlin, Warsaw, Vienna, Stockholm and Croatia, said Cecilia Bromley-Martin, the communications manager.

I think we might have only one solution for this problem - Chuck Norris.

After all, according to Chuck Norris Facts;

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

Bonus Riffs

Ron Beasley: Grounded for Decades?

Sarah Gordon - The ultimate barbecue: Iceland's volcano becomes the country's 'hottest' eatery

Greg Neale: How an Icelandic volcano helped spark the French Revolution

John Cleese on Olbermann

If you happened to be watching 'Countdown' last evening, you were rewarded with a little treat.

John Cleese, live, in-studio.

For the final segment, Olbermann had the Monty Python veteran in for a chat on Joe The Dumber, and a new poem (Cleese, last month, wrote a poem, slamming Sean Hannity, that Olbermann read on the program), bashing Olbermann's obsessive target, Bill O'Reilly.

The best of it was Cleese riffing on "If Karl Rove worked for the Democrats" ... It's hysterical!

Check it out here;

Countdown: John Cleese on Joe the Prop Oct. 31, 2008




Extra Bonus!

It appears, if it survives the writing and run-through process, a parody of Olbermann on Saturday Night Live this evening.

Alaskan Lie

With all that's going on the past few days, the whirlwind of the campaigns, McKKKain's in particular, the Wall Street Meltdown and Hank's Heist (following the Bush Doctrine, Hank Paulson went shopping during a crisis - He went out and bought banks today!), we can't help bringing our thoughts back around to Rich Lowry.

Poor Little Richie.

All those mean bullies picking on his Sarah Palin... His Ms. Winking Excitement ...His personal dream cloud of starbursts.

We (along with a bevy of others, including a devastating take by Keith Olbermann) wrote about how Little Richie got all straight and excited when Mommy Moose winked - at him - during the VP debate.

Little Richie was beside himself, barely able to keep his pounding heart inside his chest.

But it's been a rough sled since then.

The Wasilla Whiz Kid got whacked in that Troopergate Report a few days later (though, she stuck her Cheneyesque chin out and deemed herself cleared, earning her a tag of being "Orwellian" from the locals up there).

C'mon Rich, even you have to look beyond the starburst dust to see that is really quite a stretch.

Then, there was Christopher Hitchens, clubbing her like a baby seal;

And the only public events that have so far featured his absurd choice of running mate have shown her to be a deceiving and unscrupulous woman utterly unversed in any of the needful political discourses but easily trained to utter preposterous lies and to appeal to the basest element of her audience.

The most insulting thing that a politician can do is to compel you to ask yourself: "What does he take me for?" Precisely this question is provoked by the selection of Gov. Sarah Palin. I wrote not long ago that it was not right to condescend to her just because of her provincial roots or her piety, let alone her slight flirtatiousness, but really her conduct since then has been a national disgrace. It turns out that none of her early claims to political courage was founded in fact, and it further turns out that some of the untested rumors about her—her vindictiveness in local quarrels, her bizarre religious and political affiliations—were very well-founded, indeed. Moreover, given the nasty and lowly task of stirring up the whack-job fringe of the party's right wing and of recycling patent falsehoods about Obama's position on Afghanistan, she has drawn upon the only talent that she apparently possesses.

With McCain, the "experience" is subject to sharply diminishing returns, as is the rest of him, and with Palin the very word itself is a sick joke.

Ouch!

Those starburst are really starting to fade, aren't they Richie?

And, I'm sure you weren't too pleased (and having to deal with Christopher Buckley, on top of it), seeing John Cleese mock and disparage your Ya'Betch'ya Gal.

Then, the anvil dropped on your head today - Matthew Dowd.

From Steve Benen;

"Matthew Dowd was the chief strategist for the Bush-Cheney 2004 campaign, so it came as something of a surprise to see him eviscerate John McCain today a panel at the TimeWarner summit."

"They didn't let John McCain pick the person he wanted to pick as VP," Dowd declared during the Time Warner Summit panel. "When Sarah Palin got picked instead of Joe Lieberman, which I fundamentally believed would have given John McCain the best opportunity in this race... as soon as he picked Palin, that whole ready versus not ready argument was not credible."

Saying that Palin was a "net negative" on the ticket, he went on: "[McCain] knows, in his gut, that he put somebody unqualified on the ballot. He knows that in his gut, and when this race is over that is something he will have to live with... He put somebody unqualified on that ballot and he put the country at risk, he knows that."

Oh man, go ahead cry, if you want ... We know, it's gotta hurt.

We know, with McKKKain sinking in the polls like the Titanic, you're probably too distraught to write another gushing post, to gather your thoughts, to express yourself properly, to come to grips with the wink-less life you have to face.

So, we're giving you some help.

You can sing this, over-and-over, to help cleanse your heart, and sweep all those starbursts out the door.

In fact, everybody .. C'mon, everybody pitch in and help Little Richie sing this tune ... It's classic and you all know, so let it rip ...

Alaskan Lie

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that wink used to make me smile.
And I knew if she had her chance
That she could make the GOP base dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But October made her shiver
With every paper that was delivered
Bad news on the doorstep;
She couldn’t make one more wink hep.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about her Ethics slide
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Winkin' died.

So bye-bye, Miss Alaskan Lie.
Buzzed my 'copter 'bove the tundra
But the wolves, they did hide
And that good ol' maverick was drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the winkin' died.
"this’ll be the day the winkin' died."

Did you write the book of Ethics,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in Shock and Awe,
Can Rev. Murthee save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to wink real slow?

Well, I know that you wanted to fire him
`cause I saw you winkin' in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig that Rovian ruse.

I was a lonely Corner broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the Winkin' died.

I started singin’,
bye-bye, Miss Alaskan Lie.
Buzzed my 'copter 'bove the tundra
But the wolves, they did hide
And that good ol' maverick was drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the winkin' died.
"this’ll be the day the winkin' died."

Now for ten weeks we’ve been on our own
And ice grows fat on a frozen stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the McCain sang for the rabid mob,
And you jumped in cause it was your job
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the Maverick was looking down,
You stole his ugly racist crown.
The Legislature was adjourned;
The Ethics verdict was returned.
And while Obama rang up good marks,
The Right Wing Freak Show practiced in the park,
And they sang dirges in the dark
The day the Winkin' died.

We were singing,
bye-bye, Miss Alaskan Lie.
Buzzed my 'copter 'bove the tundra
But the wolves, they did hide
And that good ol' maverick was drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the winkin' died.
"this’ll be the day the winkin' died."

Helter skelter in an economic swelter.
Investors flew off to an island tax shelter,
Eight hundred Points down and falling fast.
Mac's crowd was foul, even crass
As he tried to make forward pass,
Before racist crowds that had amassed

Now the half-time air smelled of flop and doom
While the cable anchors sang Mac's marshall tune.
We all got up to wink,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the issues tried to take the field;
The talking heads refused to yield.
And only nonsense was revealed
The day the winkin' died.

We started singing,
bye-bye, Miss Alaskan Lie.
Buzzed my 'copter 'bove the tundra
But the wolves, they did hide
And that good ol' maverick was drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the winkin' died.
"this’ll be the day the winkin' died."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A electorate lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: Sarah be nimble, Sarah be quick!
Sarah spin that Ethics trick
Cause lying is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched her on the stage
Her fans were seized in fits of rage.
No spin doctor born in hell
could quell her awful smell
And as the rhetoric climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw Rove laughing with delight
The day the winkin' died

He was singing,
bye-bye, Miss Alaskan Lie.
Buzzed my 'copter 'bove the tundra
But the wolves, they did hide
And that good ol' maverick was drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the winkin' died.
"this’ll be the day the winkin' died."

I met a girl from a state that is now blue
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and said it had just turned that way.
I went down to the McCain store
Where I’d heard the smears years before,
But is was still the only music they would play.

And in the streets the Mob did scream,
The critics cried, and the pollster creamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three pols I admire most:
Dubster, Dickie and Reagan's ghost
They caught the last hearse for the coast
The day the winkin' died.

And they were singing,
bye-bye, Miss Alaskan Lie.
Buzzed my 'copter 'bove the tundra
But the wolves, they did hide
And that good ol' maverick was drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the winkin' died.
"this’ll be the day the winkin' died."

They were singing,
bye-bye, Miss Alaskan Lie.
Buzzed my 'copter 'bove the tundra
But the wolves, they did hide
And that good ol' maverick was drinkin’ Kool Aid and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day the winkin' died.
"this’ll be the day the winkin' died."

Buck up Rich, Buck Up!