Top Ten Cloves: Reasons John McCain Was Late Yesterday, To Receive His Endorsement From President Bush

News Item: McCain Makes Bush Wait

10. Had to drive around, to lose Joe Lieberman, who wanted to tag along

9. Couldn't decide whether to wear a regular business suit, or maybe the President would appreciate him showing up in his old flightsuit

8. Wanted to finish up writing some letters for his lobbyist friends

7. Actually, was detained by Secret Service, over his "wanting to shoot Obama" comment

6. Couldn't find his passport, and got a little paranoid, in case the "born in the Panama Canal" thing came up

5. Is it his age?... Woke up, forgot he was the nominee

4. Wanted to study the details of serving as Bush's Third Term before accepting the endorsement

3. Overslept (He hasn't been sleeping well since seeing Hillary's Hillary's 3AM Ad)

2. Was negotiating with White House, to see if he could bring in Bill Cunningham again, to warm up the crowd

1. Busy, calling Mitt Romney, over-and-over, and just saying "Na-Na-Na-Na-Na ... I got the nomination ... I got the nomination"


Bonus McCain Riffs

Think Progress: Bush tap dances while waiting for McCain

The Carpetbagger Report: Bush hands McCain the baton

Think Progress: Bush: McCain ‘Is Not Going To Change’ My Foreign Policy

He's A Senator - And A Dessert Topping!

The Bob Dole For The New Millennium


Bonus Bonus

Keith Olbermann: Bush the endorser

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Chuck Norris Will Keep Mike Huckabee From Getting Old In The White House, If He's Elected

News Item - Norris: McCain may be too old for the White House

10. For anyone using Google to search "How old is President Mike Huckabee" or "Is President Mike Huckabee getting old", they don't get search results, they get an asskicking from Chuck Norris

9. Chuck Norris will veto any aging with his fists

8. When stress and pressure enter the Oval Office, they don't see President Mike Huckabee, they see Chuck Norris and get their asses kicked

7. Chuck Norris will stare down everyone, stare them down so hard, they get old while President Mike Huckabee stays young

6. The red, hot-line phone in the Oval Office will never ring and bother President Mike Huckabee ... World Leaders know, if they call, all they're going to get is a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris coming out of the receiver on their end

5. Fearful of what might happen, the hair on President Mike Huckabee's head will stay black, so they won't have to deal with Chuck Norris

4. Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick any part of the aging process that comes near President Mike Huckabee

3. No recycled air, or chance of crashing, President Mike Huckabee won't use Air Force One ... He'll fly on Chuck Norris

2. The candles on a President Mike Huckabee birthday cake will be so scared, seeing Chuck Norris there, they'll blow themselves out, wishing for President Mike Huckabee to stay young

1. If John McCain tries to send his 95-year-old mother over to wash Chuck Norris's mouth out with soap, he'll karate-kick the soap down her throat, and then go over to McCain and wash his mouth out with her roundhouse-kicked body


(H/T to Chuck Norris Facts, for the inspiration)