Top Ten Cloves: Signs That Christmas Is Coming In The White House

News Item: Presidential Message: Christmas 2006

10. Miss USA dropped by, with a little too much Holiday Cheer for the Bush Twins

9. All of Scooter Libby’s Subpoenas have been hung by the fire with care

8. Everyone is mournfully reminiscing about the great gifts they used to get from Jack Abramoff

7. Josh Bolten has started coming to work dressed - completely - like an elf

6. President Bush took his own advice about shopping and is banging away on “The Google”, looking for some gifts

5. Staff is using the Iraq Study Group Report for wrapping paper

4. CIA decks out the plane and prison they use for Extraordinary Renditions to look like the Polar Express

3. Condi Rice has parked herself under some mistletoe, and mumbling about snaring herself a husband

2. Vice President Cheney is resigned to his usual Christmas - His stocking stuffed with stocks in Coal companies

1. President keeps calling the Postmaster General every hour, asking if his letter to Santa Claus has been delivered

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The National Christmas Tree Lighting

News Item: Bush Lights National Christmas Tree

10. This is the second tree they brought in ... Rumsfeld picked out the first one... It had scrawny branches and hardly any bark

9. I heard there’s a simulcast thing going on ... They’re making Maliki put up and light a tree in Baghdad, but it will be built into the security thing over there

8. I don’t see the Cheney’s but the daughter’s wife is here

7. I heard we were going to call it the “National Holiday Tree” until Bill O’Reilly started flapping his gums

6. Did you know this is the most expensive National Christmas Tree ever - Halliburton decorated it and strung the lights

5. Look, the First Lady’s dress is the same color as the tree!

4. I think he’s a little steamed ... He kept pacing, mumbling something about lighting the tree isn’t something Baker is making him do

3. Nice touch with the “Tree Lighting Accomplished” banner

2. It’s a new lighting system this year ... The Park’s people found this really cool design on the “Operation Iraqi Freedom Document Portal” Website

1. I can’t stay long ... I have to go over to the private tree lighting ceremony over at Dick Cheney’s Secret Bunker

He kept pacing, mumbling something about lighting the tree isn’t something Baker is making him do