Top Ten Cloves: Ways NFL Will Tweak Rules In Wake of Plaxico Burress Shooting

News Item: Giants suspend Super Bowl hero Plaxico Burress

10. Everytime announcers say "It's a real duel here today", game stops so they can have a "real duel"

9. NFL.Com soon to offer official team handguns, with your teams' logo on the handle!

8. Draw Plays - Everyone clears out, and it's a shootout between the Quarterback and Middle Linebacker

7. Extra 5-yards tacked onto Crack-Back Blocking penalty, if offending player is carrying a concealed weapon

6. Field goal records broken all day long, as now will be conducted with football-shooting cannon

5. Halftime shows? ... What else, other than Skeet Shooting?

4. Burress's shooting kicks off new trend - Instead of doing end zone dance after scoring touchdowns, players shoot themselves in leg

3. QB's who have a "rifle for an arm" can now carry rifles, holding defense at bay while they complete pass

2. Defensive backs can pistol-whip wide receivers, but only within the first 5-yards from line-of-scrimmage

1. Offenses that run the "Shotgun Offense" can use real, loaded shotguns


Bonus Pistol Plaxico Riffs

Newsday: Cops seek to question Plaxico Burress about shooting

NBC Sports: Police investigating cover-up in Burress case; Teammates Pierce, Bradshaw may be involved in nightclub shooting

New York Times: Police Again Take Issue With N.F.L. in Shooting


Bonus Bonus NFL Riffs

Developing Story! Tancredo: Shut Down Super Bowl; Says Two Black Coaches "Amounts To Segregation"... Appeals To NFL Commissioner To Make Big Game "Color-Blind"; Biden Weighs In, Backs Coaches

Flutie Sends "Cease-and-Desist" Letter To Media Over 'Hail Mary' References Regarding Surge ... Diminutive QB Longtime Copyright Holder; "It Still Feeds My Family"; Says Open To Negotiate On Usage

Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Next Door Neighbor May Be Conducting Illegal Dogfights