Wednesday 9 March 2005

Red Sox Sue Colorado Town Over Frozen Body Rights

The small town of Nederland, Colorado, about 35-miles outside of Boulder, have been served 'Cease-and-Desist' papers from the World Champion Boston Red Sox, over their Frozen Dead Guy Festival.

Trygve Bauge froze the body of his grandfather, "Grandpa" Bredo Morstoel, in 1989, on the hope of someday reviving or cloning him. In 2002, as an effort to increase tourism, the town of Nederland began celebrating Frozen Dead Guy Days.

The Red Sox charge that this is an infringement on their trademark, intellectual and property rights. Since the death of former star, Ted Williams, the last major league player to bat .400, in July of 2002, the Red Sox say they own the rights to Frozen Dead Guy. William's has been cryogenically perserved at a facility in Arizona.

Bauge could not be reached and it's unclear if "Grandpa" Bredo Morstoel played baseball, or batted over .400.


Boeing Exec Tried To Start Runway Club

Sources to The Garlic have found that former Boeing CEO Harry Stonecipher, forced out on Monday for ethics violations by the Boeing board for a consensual affair he conducted with another Boeing executive, was out to establish 'The Runway Club'.

Long the legend in the airline business, the Mile High Club, claims hundreds-of-scores of members, those who conducted affairs on aircrafts while flying.

Stonecipher, a long-time airline industry member, first with McDonnell Douglas, believed that those in the airline industry who didn't fly, who worked on the ground, deserved a club. Though unconfirmed, membership in the 'Runway Club' is said to dwarf the numbers of the Mile High Club.

Boeing officials would neither confirm or deny the existence of the Runway Club.

Stonecipher said that he is proud of his work and intends to stay as a member in the Runway Club.


Study Shows Clams Not Happy At All

In a report released today, from a joint study by Harvard University and the Cape Cod Oceanic Institute, a long-held belief was dispelled - Clams are not happy at all.

The study, conducted over three years, from 2001-2004, covered a wide variety of clams, hard and soft shell, from both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, as well as Chesapeake Bay. The bivalves studied include Geoduck, Quahog, Razor, Steamer, Surf, Butter, Pismo.

Researchers offered that clams scooped from beds in deep waters, versus those clams forced to live low-tide sands, had a better dispostion, but not what one would call 'happy'. In monitoring their behavior and movements, reseachers believe that most clams have a sense that they will end up as someone's dinner - be it other species of fish, or in a pot at a traditional clam bake.