Saturday, September 13, 2008

Well, I Guess It Rules Out On-Line Gambling Too ...

Oh, is the Right Wing Freak Show in a tizzy this weekend ...

Seems the new Obama Ad (Check out "Still Ad", it's a hoot!), depicting Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain as a technology idiot, not being able to use a computer, or send email, has gotten under their skins.

So much so, they're emulating their favorite son with, they're turning to in a time of crises - much like the campaign has done - to a McCain POW-POW-POW story.

See, Stumblin' Bumblin' Johnny can't use a computer, or send an email, because he was tortured.

Prom Dress Boy Jonah Goldberg is leading the pack on this one, with all the Flying Monkeys jumping on board (you can go Here, Here, and Here to see the faux outrage and crocodile tears).

Prom Dress Boy;

Well, I guess it depends on what you mean by "extraordinary." The reason he doesn't send email is that he can't use a keyboard because of the relentless beatings he received from the Viet Cong in service to our country ...

Now, I'd hardly be surprised if McCain could type for short stretches and all that. The point is, that it's perfectly understandable why he wouldn't get in the habit of it.

Yeah, and there are plenty of other options there, Prom Dress Boy.

Hilzoy offers;

This won't work. For one thing, a variety of press reports claim that McCain uses a Blackberry, so he can't be wholly incapable of using a keyboard. (John Cole has pictures.) For another, Jonah Goldberg might not realize this, but there are a lot of products out there that are designed to allow people with disabilities to use computers. For people with motor disabilities, or just a desire to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome, speech recognition software can be a godsend. It's not hard, it doesn't involve using your hands, and we know that McCain can speak perfectly well.

So, if Fly Boy is so crippled, that he can't use a computer, work a keyboard, send an email, how is it he can stand in a casino, at a crap table for 14-hours, rolling the dice?

Earlier this year, stories poured out on the, legendary gambling addiction of Stumblin' Bumblin' Johnny.

From Time Magazine;

Over time he gave up the drinking bouts, but he never quite kicked the periodic yen for dice. In the past decade, he has played on Mississippi riverboats, on Indian land, in Caribbean craps pits and along the length of the Las Vegas Strip. Back in 2005 he joined a group of journalists at a magazine-industry conference in Puerto Rico, offering betting strategy on request. "Enjoying craps opens up a window on a central thread constant in John's life," says John Weaver, McCain's former chief strategist, who followed him to many a casino. "Taking a chance, playing against the odds." Aides say McCain tends to play for a few thousand dollars at a time and avoids taking markers, or loans, from the casinos, which he has helped regulate in Congress. "He never, ever plays on the house," says Mark Salter, a McCain adviser. The goal, say several people familiar with his habit, is never financial. He loves the thrill of winning and the camaraderie at the table.

Only recently have McCain's aides urged him to pull back from the pastime. In the heat of the G.O.P. primary fight last spring, he announced on a visit to the Vegas Strip that he was going to the casino floor. When his aides stopped him, fearing a public relations disaster, McCain suggested that they ask the casino to take a craps table to a private room, a high-roller privilege McCain had indulged in before. His aides, with alarm bells ringing, refused again, according to two accounts of the discussion.
Greg Mitchell;
You may have read the Time piece already so here is an excerpt from an earlier Connie Bruck piece in The New Yorker, May 30, 2005:

The moment the car stopped at McCain's hotel in downtown New Orleans, he set out at his usual fast clip for Harrah's, across the street. McCain is an avid gambler. Wes Gullett, a close friend who worked for McCain for years, told me that they used to play craps in Las Vegas in fourteen-hour stints, standing at the tables from 10 a.m. to midnight. "Craps is addictive," McCain remarked, and he headed for the fifteen-dollar-minimum-bet tables. At the most obvious level, the game is incredibly simple -- players rotate turns throwing the dice, and you either win or lose depending on what number comes up. But McCain's betting formula makes it much more complicated. "Uh-oh!" he cried, as a player accidentally threw the dice off the table. "This is a very, very superstitious game," he said.

I guess, sitting at a computer, to do some surfing, send some emails, just doesn't kick in the same kind of adrenaline rush, as standing in a casino, at a crap table for 14-hours.

It must the adrenaline that allows him to overcome his crippling injuries, kiss the dice and, mind you, having to extend his arm, toss the dice, perhaps excitedly shouting "C'mon seven! ... Mama needs some new drugs!"

(Ooops, we leaked another member of the McCain households that has a wee bit of a crippling problem)

Also, as we have witnessed, over the past weeks (and specifically, the past few days), the crippling injuries that prevent Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain from using a computer, absolutely do not affect his ability to tell lies.

Yes, how silly of us, of Obama ...

Naturally, any problem Stumblin' Bumblin' Johnny has, any gaffe he commits, if it's a cloudy day, it's only due to McCain's POW-POW-POW status ...

Bonus Stumblin' Bumblin Riffs

Nico Pitney: Yes, McCain Can Use Electronics

Oliver Willis: Jonah Goldberg Uses The POW Card For McCain’s Tech Illiteracy

LA Times: Oops, Obama ad mocks McCain's inability to send e-mail. Trouble is, he can't due to tortured fingers

TBogg: Research and Destroy

Bonus Bonus

If the Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain Campaign gets tired of using the POW-POW-POW stuff, they can always "Put The Blame on Mame"


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