Monday, January 25, 2010

Breaking! ... Super Bowl In Doubt, As Obama Considers Bailout For Jets

Sources tell The Garlic that, in his State-on-the-Union address Wednesday evening, President Barack Obama will lay out steps to a program that will delay the Super Bowl, scheduled for February 7th, so that a bailout plan for the New York Jets can be worked out.

Obama will cite that the "hopes and dreams" of New York Jets fans are "too big to fail", and that it is imperative for the government to step in, a prevent a complete meltdown.

The Jets lost yesterday, to the Indianapolis Colts, in the AFC Championship game, giving them the berth in the Super Bowl, against the New Orleans Saints, who beat the Minnesota Vikings, in the NFC Championship game.

Additionally, unnamed Administration officials were looking for a "Katrina-Sept 11th Super Bowl", to augment other metaphorical imagery the President will have in his SOTU speech;

"We need to build a bridge, from Namath, to New Orleans, so that the engine of passion, held so dearly by Jets and Saints fans, two cities badly scarred in our recent history, can continue to rumble, to resonate, and be a beacon to our continued economic growth.

Details of the Jets Bailout plan are sketchy, and it is not clear if it will contain oversight, or regulations, limiting bonuses of team executives.

A spokesperson for the NFL indicated the league is in discussions with the Obama White House, and, should the Super Bowl be delayed, the plans would be to continue with celebrity-filled parties, and television programs highlighting Super Bowl commercials.

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