Good Post Alert: Leaked Memo of McCain Camp's Future Hail Marys (satire)

Brad Johnson, over on at Largely, has a great post up, most hysterical, that you should check out.

Since Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain, and his trusty sidekick, Mommy Moose, just keep those hits coming, and coming, and coming, Brad's piece is spot-on.

Leaked Memo of McCain Camp's Future Hail Marys (satire)

Here's a few snips of it;

Tactic: If reporter brings up the Keating Five, McCain says, "I love Dave Brubeck." If reporter replies, "Dave Brubeck?" McCain responds, "Are you saying you don't like Jazz? Jazz was created in America. Why do you hate America?"

Strategy: Internal polls show most Americans think the Keating Five was a successful late '50s/early '60s jazz band

And;

Tactic: In addition to claiming McCain invented the Blackberry, assert that he also invented the wheel, sliced bread, fire, the missionary position, whiskey, apple pie, sliders, cleavage, Beanie Babies, oxygen, blow jobs, sunlight, bikinis, pasteurization, nuggies, the handshake, ice cream, poll dancing, Penicillin, the wave, hot dogs, the Theory of Relativity, beer nuts, New Journalism, indoor plumbing, low-rise jeans, Method Acting, rap, Twister, funnel cake, the printing press, soft pretzels, the phrase "dude," the color blue, moving pictures, "bringing sexy back," nougat, and baseball.

Strategy: Highlights McCain's superior record of accomplishment. Bonus: no time left in the campaign season for media to fact-check effectively.

Check out Leaked Memo of McCain Camp's Future Hail Marys (satire)


Bonus Stumblin' Bumblin' Johnny Riffs

Well, It Depends On Your Definition of Crisis ...

Top Ten Cloves: Ways John McCain Isn't Like Herbert Hoover

McCain Admits He's "Divorced from day-to-day challenges people have"

We Told You He Was Just Like Bob Dole

McCain VP Confusion; Staff Had Canadian Actress Sarah Polley In Dayton Hotel For Three Days

Good Post Alert - First Palin, Then Campaign Suspension. What Now? ... Slate predicts McCain's next 10 Hail Mary stunts.

We took a different route the other day, but this is pretty good.

From Slate's "low concept: Dubious and far-fetched ideas";

First Palin, Then Campaign Suspension. What Now? ... Slate predicts McCain's next 10 Hail Mary stunts

Check it out!

Flutie Sends "Cease-and-Desist" Letter To Media Over 'Hail Mary' References Regarding Surge

Diminutive QB Longtime Copyright Holder; "It Still Feeds My Family"; Says Open To Negotiate On Usage

Using the big bully pulpit of Super Bowl XVI, former NFL Quarterback Doug Flutie said that he has begun sending out "Cease-and-Desist" letters to the media - newspapers, magazines, television, cable, blogs and zines - regarding their usage of the term "Hail Mary Pass" in describing the Bush Administration's Iraq Occupation and escalation policies.

"It still feeds my family,' said the diminutive Flutie, a Heisman Trophy winner, who toiled for 21 seasons in professional football, first in the Canadian Football League, for eight-years, before entering into the NFL.

Flutie retired after the 2005 season, at age 43, from the New England Patriots. In the final game of the season, Flutie "dropped kicked" a field goal, the first such feat in the NFL since 1941.

Flutie is most associated with the "Hail Mary Pass" for leading a stirring comeback, in 1984

With his Boston College team trailing Miami 45-41, and only six-seconds remaining in the game, Flutie heaved his Hail Mary Pass towards the end zone. The ball sailed over a group of defenders and into the arms of BC receiver Gerald Phelan for the win.

Since that moment, the term "Hail Mary Pass" has been used frequently and often, in the context of football games and some other sporting events, but only very recently has been applied to politics.

Flutie, at a beach front press conference said that with the "explosion" of usage of the "Hail Mary Pass" phrase coming out of Washington, he had to take action.

"It's just like the music downloading," said Flutie. "If you don't own the copyright, it's not yours to use."

The term, along with the word "surge" began last month, in the days before President Bush's "New Way Forward" speech to the nation, when White House staff began leaking out portions of the President's new policy.

In a study conducted by the Project for Excellennce In Journalism, the phrase 'Hail Mary Pass" showed up in over 330 stories during the week of January 10-17. The word "Surge", according to the study, appeared in 18,118 stories, followed at a distance by
the word “escalate” or “escalation,” with 10,112 placements.

"I've seen the PEJ Study," offered Flutie, "and it was a key factor in directing my attorneys to take this action. If someone wants to make me an offer, I'll listen"

Flutie admitted that it is likely, at some point, for someone to come along and throw a better "Hail Mary Pass" but that "I want to see that done on the field, not just mouthing off in a newspaper."

"You've also been slinging around the "Hail Maliki Pass" (227 stories according to the PEJ Study) ... Now, it's up to President Maliki if he wants to join my call, but it's also pretty disingenuous to use it ... I mean, I didn't see Baghdad University ever put out a football team and I don't remember seeing President Maliki beat Miami with a last-second touchdown pass."

Flutie's Miracle in Miami