The Night The Russians Rolled Into Georgia - McCain's August Anthem

Well, he did bring it up, managed to squeeze it in, in one of his cheating responses during the Saddleback Show the other evening.

We also learned about his musical tastes, being that he was groovin' to Abba's 'Dancing Queen" before he was shot down - even though the song didn't come out until after he came home from Vietnam (maybe Abba was "supporting the troops", sending them demo tapes, or something).

Between the cheatin' at Saddleback thing ...and, of course, that Christmas Light from the sky, The Guard-and-the-Cross-in-the-Sand thing (which is only getting worse, now, bobsledding downhill for him), and this evening, having Keith Olbermann slam him on the ground, for all this and more, with a Special Comment, our "Cone of Silence" veteran, Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain probably could use a new tune.

So, as we have done so often here on The Garlic, we have come up with a signature song, McCain's August Anthem, if you will ... Maybe something they can fire up out in Minneapolis ...

It's an old classic, that went #1 when Stumblin' Bumblin' Johnny limped home from the war, so he can, without fear of looking like a jackass again, cite this tune as something he listened to on the plane, or wherever.

Sing along, you may not want to admit it, but you know it.

The Night The Russians Rolled Into Georgia

He was on his way home in the Straight Talk Express
Been two weeks and Obama's at the beach on a rest
He's listenin' to Abba 'fore he went home to her
Randy Scheunemann said "Hello"
And he said "Hi, what's doin', Wo?"
"John, sit down, I got some bad news, it's gonna hurt"
He said "I'm your best lobbyist and you know that's right"
"But your young democracy ain't alone tonight"
"Since you been gone she's been seein' that Putin boy, John "
Well, he got mad 'n' he saw red and Randy said "John, don'tcha lose your head"
" 'cause to tell ya the truth, I been makin' a lot of money myself"

That's the night that the Russians rolled into Georgia
That's the night that McCain pretended to be President
Well, don't trust your soul to no K Street sleazy lobbyist
'cause all the lobbyists in the town's got money in their hands

Well, Randy got scared and left the bus
Walkin' on home 'cause he didn't know who to trust
See, Randy didn't have many friends and he'd just lost him one
McCain thought his democracy musta fallen down
So he went home and finally found
The only thing his campaign had left him, that video, The One

And he went off to Randy's house
A'skippin' through the backwoods quiet as a mouse
Came upon some dollar bills too small for Randy to take
He looked through the screen at the back-porch door
And he saw Randy lyin' on the floor
In a pile of loot and he started to shake

Well, the Adoring Media was a'makin' their rounds
So he belted out some bellicose just to flag 'em down
And a big-bellied anchor and said "What is Mr. President?"
And the Media said "Anti-Christ" in a make-believe trial
And slapped the McCain on the back with a smile
Said' supper's waitin' at home and I gotta get to it"

That's the night that the Russians rolled into Georgia
That's the night that McCain pretended to be President
Well, don't trust your soul to no K Street sleazy lobbyist
'cause all the lobbyists in the town's got money in their hands

Well, they smeared Obama before he could say
The war mongering he saw while on his way
At Andy's house and back that night was Schmidt's
And the cheatin' democracy was still hunkered down
And that's one lie that'll never be found
See, big Stevie Schmidt don't miss when he aims his smears

That's the night that the Russians rolled into Georgia
That's the night that McCain pretended to be President
Well, don't trust your soul to no K Street sleazy lobbyist

FADE
'cause all the lobbyists in the town's got money in their hands

If you need some help, like a Karaoke thing, here's the original

Vicki Lawrence - The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia





Bonus Stumblin' Bumblin' Johnny Riffs

The Bob Dole For The New Millennium

The Gift That Refuses To Stop Itself From Giving

McCain Waves The POW Flag

If He Really Wanted To Scare'em, He Would Have Named Big Daddy Lipscomb ...

Is John McCain Buggering Little Boys?

Hey Everybody, You're Forgetting The 2000 Election!

Oh Boy!

Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain is at it - again ...

This Georgia-Russia thing is like a case of Jolt Soda for him.

Heck, I'm prone to speculate he may be getting up as early as 7AM, so he can jump into his "I'm not the President, but I play one on the campaign" undies and go charging out there.

I'm surprised we haven't seen Stumblin' Bumblin' Johnny splashing into the Atlantic Ocean, knife clenched in teeth, swimming and promising to take care of the situation, singlehandedly.

But no, he blurts out something like this;

McCain: Georgia conflict is the ‘first serious crisis internationally since the end of the Cold War.’

My friends, we have reached a crisis, the first probably serious crisis internationally since the end of the Cold War. This is an act of aggression.

Jesus, it's like he took our advice from last month;

Jesus, he might as well just start walking around in a bathrobe, like that old Mafia guy did, to play out that he was crazy.

Just ride around in the Dead Campaign Express, make some stops (kicking away the empty beer bottles to exit), shuffle around in the robe and slippers, shake a few hands, maybe pick up a few Slim Jims at a convenience store ...Toss out a few bon mots on his heroism, his POW days, as he rips off a piece of Slim Jim, perhaps dribbling some of the dark juice on his bathrobe.

As you can imagine, a whole bevy of bloggers and pundits have noted, there's quite a long list to work through, before this little flare-up makes it into the club.

Andrew Sullivan: "Not the invasion of Kuwait? Or the first Gulf War? Or the Afghan war? Or the second Iraq war? Or Darfur? Or Bosnia? Or 9/11? It's this kind of emotional hyperbole that should worry people about McCain in the White House. He's a drama queen on these issues. With a finger on the trigger."

Kevin Drum: "This is, pretty obviously, factually wrong, since you could trot out the Gulf War, Bosnia, Kosovo, the al-Aqsa Intifada, 9/11, Afghanistan, and Iraq at a minimum as other serious international crises since the end of the Cold War."

Josh Marshall: "Let's run-down the list. Iraqi invasion of Kuwait, followed by the US expulsion of Iraq from Kuwait. Collapse of Yugoslavia and subsequent wars of aggression between successor states. US invasion of Afghanistan. US invasion of Iraq. There are a slew of other examples of serious international crises over last 16-18 years."

You get the picture (and there'll be more links to check out below).

Well, let me heave another one onto the pile, and it is one, that has degrees-of-separation, had it not occurred, the long list that Stumblin' Bumblin' Johnny long forgot about would have been impacted, perhaps in a number of cases, these "serious international crisises" may not have happened at all.

What does the Magic 8-Ball say ...

How's about the 2000 Presidential Election, and the Supreme Court-Appointment of George W. Bush as the 43rd President?

It was so then, and has remained so for the past 7.5-years, a red-flag, 5-alarm crises, both domestically and internationally.

Me thinks, Al Gore wouldn't have taken the country completely down the drain.

You can stand down now, Stumblin' Bumblin Johnny ... Take off the "I'm not the President, but I play one on the campaign" undies and go back to what you appear to do best - lie and baselessly smear Barack Obama.


Bonus Links

Maha: Irony Is SO Dead

Mustang Bobby: Are You Serious?

Michael J.W. Stickings: "My friends, we have reached a crisis, the first probably serious crisis internationally since the end of the Cold War. This is an act of aggression."

Matthew Yglesias: We’re Still Not Georgians

Cernig: Crisis? McCain Will Give You Crisis!