Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Why Homeland Security Can’t Fill Cyber Security Post

News Item: Top Cyber Security Post Still Unfilled After a Year

10. Nobody wants job – Fear they will be subpoenaed by Scooter Libby’s lawyers

9. Still pouring through MySpace.Com to get some really good candidates

8. Waiting for Microsoft to release new Vista platform before making any moves

7. Haven’t figured out yet, that if something goes wrong, or there’s a disaster, how we can blame Louisiana officials for it

6. The only people applying for the job come from Dubai companies and we already went through that dance with the Ports Deal

5. It’s on hold, until after the August Connecticut Primary – Joe Lieberman indicated that if he loses, he’s going to put in papers for it

4. Job not sexy enough – Everyone wants to work over in Vice President Cheney’s office, where all the power is

3. If that consultant that broke into the FBI files beats the charges, we’d be happy to talk with him for this post

2. Last two candidates look real good, interviewed well, but then Chertoff goes off and plants a belly kiss on them

1. We just hired Senator Ted Stevens to consult and help us sort through all this Internet stuff









Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT?) has reportedly told the Department of Homeland Security, that if he loses his Primary Race next month, to Ned Lamont, he’ll likely file papers to take over the top Cyber Security Post

Top Ten Cloves: Things White House Will Do To Avoid Adopting Geneva Convention Codes For Detainees

News Item: It's Bush's Way or the Highway on Guantanamo Bay

10. Yeah, right ... Like we’re really going to change the way we’re doing things ...

9. Congressional Hearings? Sure, but we wont participate or give you any documents

8. Let’s say we agree to apply minimum standards, but, we get to say what “minimum” is

7. Forget about the detainees, President looking to put a hurtin’ on whoever leaked out the White House Salaries

6. We can stay hard-line as long as we want – Even John Dean says that whatever we do, our base of conservatives will follow us

5. President Bush too busy trying to figure out who is Robert Novak’s primary source in the Plame Leak

4. The day our embassy in Baghdad can come up with an as upbeat assessment as the President has, we might think about it

3. Promise to not use dogs anymore but we would like to use Zidane, you know, just to give them a little nudge in the chest

2. Concentrating in saving exclusive Army contract for Halliburton

1. Won’t get to it until after Mid-Term elections – Preoccupied with going over list of cities with subways that we can blaringly announce that we’ve broken-up new terrorist plots against them

Once recent compromise offered by the Bush Administration, as to those being held at Guantanamo, was to issue the terrorist detainees Blackberry devices, so they could better track and schedule their mistreatment and abuse

Breaking News! Zidane Signals New Era of “Hooligan Diplomacy”

Have Head-Butt, Will Travel - Mr. Zizou Goes To Washington

World Cup Golden Ball Winner Wooed By Bush Team; Likely Will Be Assigned To Bolton at U.N.

There are more signs of Chief of Staff Josh Bolten shaking up and revamping the Bush White House, as a press conference has been announced for later today to announce that World Cup star and legendary French soccer captain Zinedine Zidane will be joining the Bush Administration.

Zidane, winner of the World Cup’s Golden Ball, which is awarded to the best player in the tournament, announced his retirement from soccer just yesterday.

Zidane’s French team lost to Italy in the World Cup Finals, 1-1 but went down in Penalty Kicks, 5-3 and was marred by a glaring and vicious foul by Zidane, when, in the second overtime period, Zidane head-butted Italian defender Marco Materazzi directly in the chest, sending the Italian to ground. Zidane was Red Carded and ejected from the match

Numerous unconfirmed press reports indicate that Materazzi had called Zidane, whose parents are Algerian immigrants, a “terrorist.”

Zidane Signals New Era of “Hooligan Diplomacy”

Inside sources tell The Garlic that Zizou, as he is affectionately known by his legions of fans, will report to the State Department.

“This is a real coup for Bush,” offered Dix Whitcomb, editor of the newsletter "Our Laws Are Different"

“If they are retiring their “Cowboy Diplomacy ”, then bringing in Zidane looks to be a signal of, I don’t know, perhaps “Hooligan Diplomacy”.

The White House has been quietly searching for a new name for its diplomacy.

Bolton: “Red Card? I’ll be giving him Red Bull”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that she was “thrilled” to have Zidane coming aboard.

“He’s got a good head on his shoulders,” said Rice. ‘I believe he’ll be a valuable member of our team. Having a person with the stature of Zizou should help us cut down our tactical errors

Zidane, according to sources, is likely to be assigned to the United Nations, and reporting to U.S. Ambassador to the U.N, John Bolton

Bolton, when reached for comment said he was “ecstatic” that Zidane would be working with him.

“Give him a Red Card? I’ll be giving him Red Bull, to help me keep the North Koreans and Iranians in line”

The Italian Ambassador to the U.N., Marcello Spatafora, indicated he may file for a resolution, banning head-butting during conferences and in general sessions.

President Bush jokingly commented that “I was surprised that we could find someone that could work with John [Bolton}. They should get along fabulously.”

Lieberman Hails Zidane Choice; Says Looks Forward To Working With Soccer Star

In a related matter, Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT?) welcomed the news of Zidane coming to Washington and indicated that the two, could conceivably, be working together in the near future.

Lieberman indicated that he may file papers and campaign for the job of United Nations Secretary General.

“I’m leaving all of my options open,” said the embattled Senator, as he wages a tough race against Democratic challenger Ned Lamont, for next month’s primary election. “I’ll land myself somewhere, you can bet on that.”














U.N Ambassador John Bolton said no Red Card for Zizou, only Red Bull, to help him keep North Korea and Iran in line

Developing Story – Santorum Channeling Dead Pols

Santorum: “I See Dead Politicians!”

Aides Talk Of “Wild Ranting”; Fear Strain Of Up-Hill Campaign Taking Toll On Embattled Senator

“It gets kind of scary, at times,” offered one senior aide on Senator Rick Santorum’s campaign staff.

The senior aide talked of ‘wild ranting” at times, with the embattled Senator “carrying on conversations” with dead politicians “like, in real time ... as if they were standing next to him.”

Many, in Santorum’s camp and the Republican National Committee, believe the strain of running 18-points behind his Democratic challenger, Bob Casey, is taking its toll in the Senators' effort to be re-elected to the Senate

“He’s in the fight of his life,” said Ed Hutcheson, publisher and editor of "K Street Kings - K as in Thousands", the monthly publication that tracks lobbyists.

“But I’m not sure it’s all to do with that ... Rick’s been pretty far out there on a lot of issues.”

Most recently, as reported by The Garlic yesterday, Santorum is calling for the drafting of the famous canine, Lassie, into the military service, to aid in the hunt for Sadam Hussein’s Weapons of Mass Destruction

Obsessed With The Late Governor Casey

One of Santorum’s “obsessions’ is with Casey – not his opponent, but his opponent’s father, the late former Governor of Pennsylvania, Robert P. Casey, who died six years ago.

“The Senator,” offered another campaign staffer, “sometimes gets confused, and believes he’s running against the dead Casey.”

In his more lucid moments, according to insiders, Santorum believes the Democrats drafted the younger Casey to “confuse me and the voters.”

“He kind of flip-flops, goes in-and-out of it,” said another campaign staffer.

“One minute he’s focused and discussing current strategy and then, all of a sudden, he’s off talking to the former Governor.”

Channeling Dead Pols

It hasn’t been limited to the late Governor Casey that finds Santorum in one of his trance-like episodes.

According to the staffers interviewed, Santorum has channeled a “Who’s-Who” of former GOP politicians, including the late former President Richard Nixon, and his Vice President, the late Spiro Agnew. Santorum has been heard having conversations with the late conservative icon, the former Senator Barry Goldwater

“For the past few days,: said a RNC operative, “he’s been calling up the Everett Dirksen , the late Senator from Illinois ... Something about going into the past to see the future.”

Santorum’s Sixth Sense?

It’s not lost on anyone close to the Santorum campaign, the similarities to Santorum’s behavior and the blockbuster movie, M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Sixth Sense”

“With Rick being a Senator from Pennsylvania and the movie being set in Philadelphia,” said a campaign staffer. “At first we thought it was funny ... Now, it’s getting a little spooky.”

When reached for comment, Shyamalan, preparing for the release of his newest movie, “Lady In The Water” was amused, but denied that he has hired Santorum for publicity.

“No, I haven’t been working with the Senator,” said Shyamalan. “If anything, I would think he would identify with “Unbreakable”. It would probably be a great internal battle. I could see the Senator wanting to be the hero, like David Dunn ... But he also has the capacity for great evil, like Mr. Glass.”

Whether Santorum is wrapped up in the movie, or if it is the stress of the race to save his seat, it is beginning to wear out his staff and supporters.

Said a campaign staffer, “I mean what do you do, when you have a meeting and you go to sit down, and the Senator tells you no, that the chair is for Spiro Agnew ... What do you say to that?"

More On Rick Santorum’s Strange Behavior

Top Ten Cloves: What Rick Santorum Meant To Say About Not Meeting With Lobbyists

Accuweather, NWS, NHS Woo Franklin Graham For Hurricane Forecasting

Santorum Backs Vatican On Hunt For Gay Priests

Santorum Adds Red Sox Win To List On Priest Abuse

Santorum To Back Frist On End-Of-Days Compromise

A growing number of campaign staffers, and the officials in the RNC, believe that Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) may not have all his rotary blades whirring, as he increasing channels dead politicians

Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Will Go About Naming President Bush’s New Diplomacy

News Item: The End of Cowboy Diplomacy

10. Forget about getting Stephen Hawking for a name ... He’s tied up on that human race question

9. We could ask “A penny for your thoughts” except it wouldn’t have any value and actually cost us money for asking for it

8. Maybe bring in those CIA guys for their input ... You know, the ones without jobs because we closed down the Osama bin Laden office

7. President is waiting for the Higher Father to get back to him on it

6. Hold off to see what the PNAC calls it

5. Karl Rove is working on names that will define the President’s agenda and slam and smear the Democrats at the same time

4. Probably will have to wait until after we invade Iran and North Korea and see what the International media calls it

3. Did we get the test results from the viral videos we posted on YouTube yet?

2. See if they can hire away the person that writes those snazzy Fox News slogans and headers

1. One thing is certain. Take Ann Coulter off the project immediately – Can’t trust where she’s getting here material from

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 9 July 2006

A major rift has developed between Warren Buffett and Bill and Melinda Gates, after the Gates read the fine print of the mammoth donation Buffet made, leaving the bulk of his money to the Gates Foundation The donation, as it turns out, is not money, but in Dairy Queen products















Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling denied reports that Potter will be killed in the final book of the series and emphatically put to rest rumors that Potter will be killed by U.S. Marines, on routine patrol in Iraq


















In a desperate measure to gain momentum against his Democratic rival Bob Casey, Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) proposed this week to conscript Lassie to military service and tell the famous canine that "Timmy is stuck in the warehouse with the WMD's in Iraq", as a means to find the weapons that justified the U.S. invasion and occupation Santorum insists are still to be discovered


Following the latest news of a terrorist plot to bomb New York City trains and tunnels, Mayor Michael Bloomberg immediately offered to go around the city and "test the food", to be sure it wasn't contaminated





















Google, with a strong penchant for designing and building their own equipment, announced plans to build a "new stock market" from scratch.

Google indicated only Google stock will be listed and it will constantly be at an all-time high

Author Doris Kearns Goodwin said that, in her research for 'Team of Rivals - The Political Genuis of Abraham Lincoln" she discovered a team of Lincoln stunt doubles, however, ironically, on the evening of April 14, 1865, they all had the night off


In his will, convicted former Enron Chairman Ken Lay left the remains of his estate to his family, and the second set of Enron books to convicted colleague Jeff Skilling, which the will notes that "Jeff knows what to do with them"

Poll Results ... The Ball's In Robert's Court ... The Garlic Poll July 2 - July 8 ... New Poll - End of Cowboy Diplomacy

Well, the ball’s in John Robert’s court, after our Garlic Poll of last week, that asked “For the July 4^th Holiday, celebrating the birth of our country, President Bush should ..

The Results

For the July 4th Holiday, celebrating the birth of our country, President Bush should ....

1. Call Chief Justice Roberts to the White House, for an emergency meeting on Terrorist Ruling and ask him ‘What the hell are you guys doing over there?” 33%

2. Continue diverting attention of his failed policies with lambasting The New York Times 30%

3. Restate his belated commitment to the Constitution and Bill of Rights 24%

4. Call up world leaders, not about strategy, but to gauge their interest in having a tour of Graceland 12%

This week’s Poll - With President Bush seemingly ending his Cowboy Diplomacy, this signals that ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Is our Cowboy-In-Chief hanging up the Tony Lama's in favor of brown Wing-Tips?

More Letters On The Garlic’s Baseball Piece

Look What They Are Saying III!

Back in April, when we first posted “Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball??” , we didn’t expect the avalanche of response to it. The Garlic as been flooded with emails, cards, letters, viral videos and unclassified documents.

(See Look What They're Saying! and More Letters on The Garlic’s Baseball Piece)

Here’s more to wade through

Since getting back from Namibia, we’ve been catching up on our reading. Your baseball piece was excellent – so much so that the next child we have, we’ve decided to have it in Yankee Stadium.

Thanks!
Angelina Joile and Brad Pitt

It was very nice of President Bush to take me on a tour of Graceland. However, on the plane ride over from Japan, I read with great interest your “Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?” and would have preferred to go to an American baseball game (and I can tell you, I sure dropped enough hints).

Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, Japan

I am going to give you a scoop.

After recently reading your post “Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?” I just had to quit Rocketboom, so I could begin my new career in baseball right away!

Amanda Congdon
Former Internet News Star

I have to back up the President here. We haven’t closed down the office that is hunting for Osama bin Laden

After reading your very fine baseball piece (okay, we didn’t exactly read it; It got swept up in our Domestic Surveillance Program), we decided to shift Alec Station to Summer Hours, so they could catch more baseball games.

Sorry for any confusion

General Michael V. Hayden
Director, Central Intelligence Agency

After reading your wonderful baseball story, I really should add to my recent Op-Ed in the Washington Post.

We do need fewer secrets – and much more baseball!

Jimmy Carter
39th president and founder of the Carter Center

I so much liked your story on American Baseball, I am going have copies printed and make it mandatory for passengers of our new Himalayan train service to read it (sorry I can’t let them go out on the Internet and look it up for themselves)

President Hu Jintao, China

With Major League Baseball’s All Star Game coming up next week, bone-up and read it for yourself

Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?

Breaking News! Lieberman Pledges To Support “Whichever Party Elects Me”

Post-Debate Bombshell - Lieberman Announces Plan C – Will Run In All 50 States

Hires Nader For ‘Underdog” Experience; Pledges To Support “Whichever Party Elects Me”

Moments after his debate last evening, against gaining challenger Ned Lamont, Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT) dropped a bombshell, announcing a new, “Plan C” that will see the embattled Senator seek ballot placement in all 50 states.

In taking this unprecedented move to gain a seat in the Senate, Lieberman indicated he will update his platform to “supporting whichever party that elects me.”

The Lieberman camp denied that the move to run in all 50 states was a financial one.

Potentially, with regards to how Lieberman would be placed on the ballots of individual states, he could draw campaign funds from both Democrats and Republicans

Nader Aboard But In Mexico ...

With the move comes the hiring of “public citizen” Ralph Nader, for what the Lieberman Campaign says is his “underdog” experience.

A spokesperson for Mr. Nader would not confirm or deny the reports about joining the Lieberman campaign. Reporters and other media were advised that Nader was “in Mexico”,canvassing to be placed on the ballot in the recount of last weeks’ Presidential election.

“I’ll give them my all,” said the three-term Senator. “You’ll be electing Joe Lieberman, not George Bush ... I know George Bush, I worked with George Bush ... I lost to George Bush ... You get Joe Lieberman with your vote – lock, stock and barrel, and with no strings.”

Lamont Stamps Lieberman With ‘Bush”

For Lamont, who is running a grassroots campaign, and with strong support from the blogosphere, Lieberman’s strings are long, and being pulled by President Bush.

Focusing his challenge against Lieberman on the Senator’s support of the President’s polices for the War in Iraq, Lamont has hammered, both on the campaign trail, and again in last night’s debate, of Lieberman being a “rubber stamp” for the President, and praising him “when he should have been asking the tough questions."

In the heated Senate votes last month, Lieberman voted against the Feingold-Kerry Bill calling for a withdrawal from Iraq and then angered Democrats by also voting against the Reed-Levin Bill calling for President Bush to develop an Iraq Exit Strategy.

Last week, Lieberman announced his “Plan B”, that if he loses the primary race against Lamont, he will file to get on the November General Election ballot as a “Petitioning Democrat”, or as Lieberman said “unaffiliated.” Officially, Lieberman would appear on the ballot as a Independent.

In justifying the move, Lieberman indicated that "I have loyalties that are greater than those to my party."

To run as an Independent, Lieberman has caused a stir within the ranks of the Democratic Party.

Dean: Lieberman’s Become ‘The Brother-in-Law You Can’t Stand”

While, officially, the DNC, and leading Democrats all say they will support Lieberman in the primary, all have hedged on any support – with the exception of Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY), who clearly stated she will support the primary candidate “elected by Connecticut Democrats” – for Lieberman’s run as a Independent, despite his statements that he would continue to vote Democratic.

“He’s really screwing us,” bellowed DNC Chairman Howard Dean. “He’s become that brother-in-law you can’t stand but have to put up with. I hope he loses so we can give him our own kiss.

“This is going to be of epic proportions,” said David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?', the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party.

“Lieberman’s long been a closet Republican ... Before Gore chose him for the 2000 ticket,” said Aaronson. “The RNC is licking their chops, for the day Lieberman changes that ‘D” or “I” to an “R.”

Delay’s Seat or Blair’s Throne In Sights

In a move Lieberman campaign officials say is separate, both from running as an Independent, and running in all 50 states, the Senator has written a “Friend of The Court” letter to U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks, seeking permission to replace former Majority Leader, the indicted Tom Delay, who Sparks ruled yesterday that Delay must remain on the November 7th ballot, despite his resignation from Congress.

“The Senator feels,” said the campaign official, “that this is a fallback position, in the event he doesn’t win the primary at home, or if he fails in any of the other states. He’d be happy to get elected to serve in the House.”

Though chances are sharply increased to winning a seat in any of the 50 states, the Lieberman campaign hinted that, if the worst happens, and they come up empty, the Senator may look at some “international opportunities.”

“Look, we already know of one,” said the campaign official. “Tony Blair has announced he’s stepping down. If the British want to keep the continuity of having a leader that is close to George Bush, then Joe’s their man.”

Senator Joe Lieberman is going after his own “Mission Accomplished” moment, announcing a “Plan C” to get placed on the ballot in all 50 states as a means to retain his seat in the Senate

Top Ten Cloves: Issues For Tom Delay With Having To Stay On Ballot In November

News Item: Ruling Keeps DeLay on Ballot

10. Maybe I can threaten that I have missiles that I want to test and fire off... That’ll get’em to back off

9. Likely is going to have to run against Joe Lieberman, who’ll be registering as an Independent

8. For Bumper Stickers, focus group split between keeping “Indicted” and “Former Congressman”

7. Actually a good thing ... Shows how much harder Conservatives have to work to get rid of all the liberal judges

6. Boy, they keep changing things on me ... First it was “Stay The Course”, now he’s saying it’s “I'd rather be right than popular”

5. I knew I shouldn’t have had Ann Coulter write the “Friend-of-the-Court” letter

4. I can always “Kenny-Boy” it ... “At least the President will say that I was a good guy

3. Now that he has to stay in race, fearful New York Times will expose his Texas Vacation Home as retaliation for criticism

2. With Jack Abramoff convicted and going to jail, doesn’t know where he’s going to get his campaign funding

1. This means he’s going to have to put “the Hammer” to President Bush and the White House, to issue that pardon sooner then they planned

Garlic Exclusive! 1st Draft Of Coulter’s Plagiarism Response

Coulter Speaks (Sort Of)

The Garlic, working with many sources, during a whirlwind 36-hours of back-alley meetings, bad coffee and barely edible food, has come into possession of Ann Coulter’s first draft of her remarks concerning the plagiarism charges now facing her.

Let’s put it this way.

Working on this story, about Ann Coulter, to get the script of her remarks ... Well, the scrubbing that Karen Silkwood received looked like a $5000 massage at the Bellagio after having to clean-up from this one

AC Response To Lies and Slander

Fans Readers, for the past two weeks you have been reading about a bad break the load of liberal lies I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man woman on the face of the earth.

I have been in ballparks books and magazines for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans wonderful Christian Conservatives. Look at these grand men defenders of the American way of life. Which of you wouldn’t consider it the highlight of his her career just to associate with them for even one day?

Sure I’m lucky.

Who wouldn’t consider it an honor to have known Jacob Ruppert Ruppert Murdoch? Also, the builder of baseball’s television news’ greatest empire, Ed Barrow Roger Ailes? To have spent six years with that wonderful little fellow, Miller Huggins Bill O’Reilly? Then to have spent the next nine years with that outstanding leader, that smart student of psychology, the best manager in baseball conservative television host today, Joe McCarthy Sean Hannity?

Sure I’m lucky.

When the New York Giants Times a team a liberal Ouija board of a newspaper you would give your right arm to beat bomb, and vice versa, sends you a gift lies and fabrications - that’s something. When everybody down to the groundskeepers liberal soccer moms, who are precisely as likely to receive anthrax in the mail as to develop a capacity for linear thinking and those boys illegal immigrants in white coats remember you with trophies pies -- that’s something.

When you have a wonderful mother-in-law motherfucker, like David Horowitz, who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter the 9-11 Widows -- that’s something.

When you have a father left-wing agenda and a mother gay priests, gay bishops, gay marriages -- much like The New York Times editorial board - who work all their lives so you can have an education lucrative career and build your body bank account -- it’s a blessing.

When you have a wife President and Vice President, like Bush and Cheney, who has have been a towers of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed -- that’s the finest I know.

So, I close in saying that I might have been given a bad break smear, but I've got an awful lot to live for to write and lie about.

"I'm here, I'm not queer, and I'm not going away."

AC

Editor Note

Tip of the hat to American Rhetoric

More On Coulter Plagiarism

Coulter's Syndicate Requests Report From Plagiarism Prober -- As She Hits Back at 'NY Post'

In new book, Coulter 'cribs' stem cell list from right-to-life group

Paper confirms Coulter plagiarism reported online first

Suggested questions for the media to ask Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter: Republican Plagiarist

Is it live, or is it someone else's Memorex?

Top Ten Cloves: Possible Reasons For North Korea To Run Missile Tests

News Item: North Korea Test-Fires Seventh Missile

10. Misunderstanding – Not testing rockets, just conducting Next-Day Delivery of special piñatas for Mexican Presidential Vote Recount

9. Surprised no other countries joined him – Was attempting to shoot down asteroid that came close to hitting Earth

8. Promised Tibet they’d rattle China a little, for opening up that mountain railway

7. Got caught up in the marketing hype and was trying to lure new Superman to North Korea

6. Misread the contract – Thought he had to shoot off missile, to keep his standing in Axis of Evil

5. Kim Jong-il is said to get “aroused” when he hears Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice scolding him

4. Cultural Difference – Just Jong-il’s way to join in the criticism of The New York Times

3. Trying to help up U.S. Ambassador Jon Bolton – One of the missiles was programmed to wipe out top ten floors of U.N. Building

2. Got carried away celebrating Italy’s win over Germany in World Cup Semifinal

1. Honest mistake – Simply was trying to write “Happy Birthday President Bush” in the sky with rockets

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is said to get Kim Jong-il’s attention, particularly when she is scolding him

Garlictorial: Happy 4th of July - To Be A Fly On The Potato Salad Up In Kennebunkport Today

‘Everybody in Mandrake Falls is pixilated – except us"
Jane Faulkner, from the film “Mr. Deeds Goes To Town”

Pixilated or not, I hope on this 4^th of July, someone at the National Archives had the nagging thought that they better go in and check the U.S. Constitution, just to be sure that our Court-Appointed President didn’t add a Signing Statement to it

It’s likely Bush hasn’t done that (yet) – He’s been too busy the past few days, maintaining his faux and manufactured outrage at The New York Times, for disclosing the information that the U.S. Government has been sifting through the financial records of its’ citizens.

Perhaps, inspired by the incendiary pap, of what will undoubtedly be very Patriotic-themed fireworks tonight, the Bush team, or the Stepford GOP Congress will have a new, urgent amendment they will attempt to ram through – Leaker Burning.

They’re for it. Publicly, at the stake, if possible.

Except, of course, when it is the President himself directing and ordering the leak, as reported yesterday by the ever-digging journalist Murray Waas in the National Journal (and earlier, backed-up by The Scooter himself ).

Which now presents a “father” problem for the Leaker-In-Chief Bush, since Father #2 (the biological one) said, back in 1999, that “I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious of traitors

Would love to be a fly on the potato salad up in Kennebunkport today to hear Junior and Dad bandy that one around. Not to mention how he squares that with the Higher Father

Since the CIA has closed down the office hunting Osama bin Laden, maybe they’ll be reincarnated to handle the leaks – which, as we have seen, could mean, both dishing them out, and chasing after them.

Or does this mean Bush morphs again, from cowboy, to defender-warrior, to now becoming Roger O. Thornhill, to bin Laden’s George Kaplan, developing Madison Ave slogans, rather then strategy, and hunting him from cave-to-cave, always one step behind, and setting up the big finale atop of Mount Rushmore

Likely the four presidents carved into the mountain won’t be pixilated. They’ll cast a wary glance at Bush 43 and then shudder at what has become of the democracy they helped build and defend.

Take a break from the grill, or before you trudge out to see the fireworks, read two very fine posts that should help and add to the celebration of this 4^th of July.

A July Fourth Declaration by Katrina vanden Heuvel

On the Fourth, Read the Declaration of Impeachment By David Swanson

Peace!

JTD

"They’ll cast a wary glance at Bush 43 and then shudder at what has become of the democracy they helped build and defend."

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons New Superman Isn’t Fighting For Truth, Justice and The American Way

News Item: Truth, Justice and (Fill in the Blank)

10. Passport issues - Fortress of Solitude is his legal residence

9. Perry White wasn’t going to use it in Daily Plant news articles about Superman - Didn’t test well with the focus groups

8. To long a phrase when IM’ing or texting his friends

7. Part of a snit he’s throwing, over DC Comics assigning Batman and Robin to hunt down Osama bin Laden

6. When he uses it, superhero buddies think he’s a snob and evening always ends up in a super brawl

5. Show me the money! ... Wanted multi-year contract, control and profit-share of his own product placements

4. Until the Same-Sex Marriage Amendment is defeated, can’t get behind present Administration or Congress

3. If Flag-Burning Amendment ever gets passed, Congress will expect him to chase down, capture flag-burners and that will just screw up his schedule big-time

2. Gets in the way when he’s trying to pick up French chicks

1. Because of his intergalactic lifestyle, had his financial records looked over by the Bush Administration

Top Ten Cloves: Things Superman Will Do To Show That He Is Not Gay

News Item: How Will a Gay Icon Fly at the Box Office?

10. Figure how to explain to Lois Lane that suddenly became allergic to the satin sheets

9. Stop accepting dinner invitations from Batman and Robin (Or, at least the after-dinner massage from Robin

8. Cut up ‘Bed, Bath and Beyond’ credit card

7. Call Congressman and urge them to vote for the Same-Sex Marriage Amendment

6. Along with the tights and cape, start wearing a John Deere Baseball Cap

5. Try to start hanging out with David Hasselhoff more often

4. Instead of flying to crimes scenes, show up in a big-ass, supercharged Ford F10 Pick-Up truck

3. See about dating Bo Derek – At least, on the nights she’s not with White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolton

2. Throw away his DVD of “Boys Don’t Cry”

1. Stop whistling Everything's Coming Up Roses whenever running into an alley or phone booth to change from Clark Kent to Superman