Top Ten Things about Yassir Arafat's Investments

10. Upset that he was too busy waging war when he could have bought Polaroid at three

9. Lobbied for seat on New York Stock Exchange; Wanted to change opening from bell ringing
to shooting gun

8. Had long-time secret crush on Hall-of-Fame legendary bowler Earl Anthony

7. Got stock tips from Martha Stewart before she was locked-up

6. Standard Rule - Now can blame missing 7-10-split on Israeli occupation and aggression

5. Just liked investing in companies that 'knocked things down

4. Aides weren't sure what was going to happen when Arafat talked about 'splitting stocks'

3. Thought the Bowling Alley investment was good because it showed 'big balls'

2. Six suicide bombers are roaming the Mideast looking for 'Port Folio'

1. Had special 'Bowling Turbans' made up to match the shoes