Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 10 December 2005

In an effort to battle rising unemployment, the European Union audtioned thousands of applicants to fill newly created jobs as "human flags"













Citing the rising cost of energy prices, Santa Claus, seen here training in an undisclosed Artic location, is parking the sleigh this year and will deliver all the toys and gifts via swimming. Instead of coal, bad children will receive a piece of coral in their stockings














An arrest warrent was issued for the Dalai Lama in The Netherlands, after he failed to show up in court to defend against assault charges. The High Priest is accused of "headbutting a minor".














The Pentagon announced Friday that all military personnel will soon be issued a pocket-sized edition of the "National Strategy For Victory In Iraq", so that "there is never a doubt" about what the mission is.















A new communique from Osama bin Laden, warned not of any new terror strikes but of, beginning in January, all new broadcasts from the Al-Qaeda leader will be in High Definition TV.















Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher
warms up for her upcoming appearance on the "Tonight Show", where she will join host Jay Leno in a skit, reprising the late Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent".