Thursday, August 03, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: Things Senate May Do To Keep Non-Senators Off The Senators-Only Elevator

News Item: Washington Traffic Jam? Senators-Only Elevator

10. It’s on Department of Homeland Security’s “To-Do” list, just as soon as they secure the ports and border, and fill that Cyber Security Post

9. Bill Frist is studying all the videotape from the security cameras so he can make a proper diagnosis of the problem

8. If they're Diebold elevators, that explains why their so easily compromised

7. The White House won’t like it, but Senators can just raise a Terrorist Alert Threat to clear everyone out of it

6. White tourists are politely asked to leave; African-American tourists have the Capital Police put on their asses

5. Simple - Just add another amendment to the Patriot Act, or the War Crimes Act of 1996

4. Get the Arizona Minutemen to stand guard; They won’t actually stop anyone from getting on elevator but will make a call to someone to report it

3. Not sure but nothing a few hundred-thousand-dollars in earmarks couldn’t figure out

2. Republican Leadership wants Ann Coulter to write new elevator rules, but who knows what elevator policy she’ll plagiarize

Many U.S. Senators, including Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA) are miffed that tourist and other non-government persons are using the Senators-Only elevator and are considering harsh measures, such as the Patriot Act, or appropriating hundreds-of-thousands of dollars in earmarks to study the problem

No comments: