Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Aides Got President Bush To Claim "We Do Not Torture"

News Item: Bush says U.S. 'does not torture people'

10. Called in Scooter Libby, who threatened to spill-the-beans on the whole Valerie Plame outing unless he denies the torture

9. Convinced him it makes him sound "Shakespearian"

8. The more he denies it, the easier they can get the Blackwater business out of the headlines

7. Promised they'd let him see Dick Cheney's Secret Bunker

6. Still testing the marketing slogans, about how "Americans will die if we don’t ..."

5. Extraordinary Rendition - Got as far as half way across the Atlantic before he caved

4. Condi Rice said she'd let him reenact his Angela Merkel neck rub

3. Showed him data that there'd be a slight uptick in donations to the Bush Library and Freedom Institute if he continues to stonewall the torture thing

2. That he could wear General Petraeus's uniform for a day

1. Spelled out "We do not torture" phonetically for him

Bonus 'We Don't Torture" Links

Glen Greenwald: The latest revelations of lawbreaking, torture and extremism

Nat Hentoff - Bush to CIA: 'Leave No Marks'; With no sign of torture on a prisoner, then it didn't happen, right?

Top Ten Cloves: Torture Practices President Bush Will Definitely Fight Congress To Keep

Condi Rice said she'd let him reenact his Angela Merkel neck rub